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12 LESSONS LEARNED IN LOVE

Lesson #1 – Love vs. Fear. Don’t Confuse Them.

Ultimately, we have the ability to choose between these two.

The most succinct contrast I’ve seen is this:

“Fear is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hordes, harms. Love is the energy which expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals.

Fear wraps our bodies in clothing, love allows us to stand naked. Fear clings to and clutches all that we have, love gives all that we have away.

Fear holds close, love holds dear, Fear grasps, love lets go. Fear rankles, love soothes, Fear attacks, love amends.”

Lesson #2 – Separate Love from Need and Wanting.

Ignore popular culture.  Separate love from need and wanting.  Do not confuse these even though songs, TV, and literature often make them the same.

They are not.

  1. Need is the belief that you cannot possibly live without that someone or something.
  2. Wanting is the belief that you do not have something and the desire to obtain it.  When you grasping for a want, you are saying it’s a need. e.g. “Please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you”.

I say belief here because I’ve noticed that in changing my mind about what I need, some things have fallen away.

They were never needs or wants at all.

I was after something else that I thought that the want or need would bring me. Like asking for a soda because I was thirsty and only after realizing that soda actually dehydrates me in the long run.

Certainly attraction is part of love, but when you start to grasp and become desperate, you’ve left the realm of love.

You simply cannot force or manipulate someone into loving you.

Wanting is fine in that it can expose our desires and motivations, but if you have an expectation that your wants will always be fulfilled, you are crossing the line into need.

The more you need from another, less you can truly love them. 

You are generating your internal energy and well-being from trying to control your outside world.

Controlling the outside world is always a struggle.

You end up running your life like it’s a juggling match, trying to arrange it so all your needs and wants can be met.

How are you going to love someone if they do not show up how you need them too?

You get bitter, resentful, or at the least, drained.

Naturally, you will fear losing the outside source of your well-being and you attempt to control the other person(s).

This suffocates your relationship(s) over time.

Confusing love and need leads to mistaken ideas like jealously is love, drama in a relationship is love, codependence is love, love hurts, and other such confusion.

While these are common and normal, they are not at all related to love.

Love is NOT need.

Lesson #3 – There is Only So Much Love to Go Around.

This is a fear based idea. There may be limited time or resources to spend on people, but when you give love to one person, you don’t have less to give to another. 

If anything, I’ve found that it can increase your capacity to love elsewhere.

Jealousy is our ego saying “I’m not getting enough”.

This should be addressed in the relationship by accepting it, loving it and then moving on from it.

Concentrate on what you want to create with the other person and who they are being with you vs what else they are doing with their time or energy.

Get out of the scarcity mentality.

Lesson #4 – Unconditional Love. No Conditions. Not trading.

Give to empower with the birthday present model   Unconditional love means “love without condition”.

Much of this confusion can come from religious beliefs since many tell us that we have to meet some criteria for “the Creator” to love us. 

Entertain that it’s possible to love someone without conditions and the more whole you are, the more that’s possible.

Most of us have rarely experienced that because of the confusion with love and need.

Unconditional love can only be given when the giver is not dependent on the other person for something. 

The givers love has to be generated internally.

It follows that true love is freely given without requirement or expectation. It’s a gift.

This doesn’t mean the giver doesn’t have needs as well, but a giver can remove the expectation of receiving when they give.

Do not turn “I love you very much” into “I trade you very much”.

If as the giver you are getting drained, then concentrate on what will give you energy.

Don’t demand that that energy come from your lover.  Ask for it, but don’t demand it

If you are tired of giving, stop and recharge.

If you notice the giving is disempowering someone and making them more dependent, stop giving and help them to learn to meet their own needs.

I try to remember this by thinking about getting or giving a birthday present. I give with no strings attached and I try to give what the other person says they want.

It is easier if they tell me what  they want instead of my trying to guess, but I’m willing to try either way.

That gift should mean something to them, not necessarily to me.

The other person may throw the gift out, that’s fine. I draw energy in that I gave.

Then if I need something myself and I don’t get it for my birthday, I go out and buy it for myself. I encourage the other person to do the same and not rely on me to give them everything they want. 

This frees everyone up to receive and to give without putting expectations into the picture. We don’t expect to get our basic needs met on our birthday.

I’m not going to rely on someone to feed me via birthday presents.

Lesson # 5 – Fearful Protection is Only Necessary Because of Our Needs and Wounds.

Heal them and you reduce the need to protect yourself.

As mentioned in point 1, love expands and opens itself.

What about being hurt? Where does that come from?

That’s pretty common in our close relationships.

If someone physically hurts us, that’s a bodily response. But most of the pain around love in relationships starts or remains in the emotional area.

I’ve used the model of “emotional wounds” in myself. It makes it easier to think about what I should do because it seems more obvious if I had a physical wound.

When someone touches an emotional wound in me, it’s like they’ve brushed up against an open wound on my skin.

It hurts. 

We are hurt when someone reinforces judgments we may suspect about ourselves.

Those judgments show up as our wounds.

Use caution, but not fear.

Caution here means that you realize that you have these sensitivities and you don’t needlessly expose them and get hurt.

Fear would mean you are in a constant state of dread that someone will hit them and so you run away or seal up.

If you suspect that someone is likely to reject you, factor that in to how you proceed.

Caution acknowledges natural consequences.

You want to play football, but you’ve got a wound. So you put on a band-aid or even a plastic covering taking into account the environment you are entering.

However, when the need to protect yourself or another comes along with anger and emotional drama, it’s from fear.

When there is a desire for retribution, that’s fear.

Often when we open up, we at the same time fear that another will not. 

Others behavior can inform you. It doesn’t have to hurt. 

You can actually be open and not be hurt. The hurt comes from needing another to return that same feeling, thus proving you are lovable.

If you believe that you are lovable, this is not a problem.

You simply move on to those where you can express love and receive it back.

Lesson # 6 – The More Needs You Have About How Someone is Supposed to Show Up, the More You Have to Protect Yourself.

Personally, I make it okay that my mate can change her mind about what she wants in the future and so can I.

This allows for growth. 

The less you give yourself from the inside, the more requirements you have about how others show up.

The more you love and accept yourself, the less necessary it is to protect those inner parts and you don’t resist change.

Lesson # 7 – Ultimately, Love Lets Go.

If you’ve followed what’s above, then you understand that “needing” and “grasping” is fear based. 

When you don’t need as much, you can see that you can continue to love people even when their wants and desire conflict with yours.

Lesson # 8 – Be Dedicated to the Quality of Your Relationship, Not its Longevity.

We all know people who probably should not be together because the energy they create together is toxic to them and/or those around them.

If you concentrate on how to heal yourself, meet your own needs,  and make your relationship healthy, you may either stay together or separate. 

One is not better than the other. 

If you figure out how to be healthy and stay together, your relationship deepens to the next level and you have a greater capacity for trust and intimacy.

If it does not, you may separate, but you will not have the bitter, no holds barred, damaging divorces that seem to happen on a regular basis.

These are caused by needs and expectations.

You may separate with or without sadness, but never malice.

You may actually find that your love relationship with that person still grows. The love doesn’t (have to) go away.

The relationship just changes.

Lesson # 9 – Love Another as Yourself, not Instead Of, or More Than.

A misinterpretation of the ethic of giving has led people to believe they can love themselves only through others.

“Love your neighbor as yourself” means keep the two as equal as possible.

“Love your neighbor and yourself” “would be a better translation to me.

When giving progressively drains you over time, you are not giving from a sustainable place.

Eventually, you give yourself away and then there is nothing left. 

Love considers the well- being of those doing the loving.

Lesson # 10 – Reject the “Complete Me” Model. Think Three, not One.

Don’t try to be one person with your mate.  This leads to a belief of needing another to be whole.

Relationships change and move.

Have you, your mate, and the relationship

Think of a relationship as something you both have to feed with time and energy.

When one person doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore, then it affect two parts, but it doesn’t take you with it. You let go and you are intact.

Lesson # 11 – Understand the Difference.

Understand the difference between intimacy, connection, infatuation, lust, touch, sex, nurturing and love.

Be clear on what you are trying to experience.

Most people fold these all together in some way.  It’s not that these things can’t go together with love or enhance it, the same way the food in a recipe comes together to make something greater than the whole.

But if you think that milk and eggs are the same and then you keep adding more eggs to a recipe, you are going to come out with something that’s not likely to taste good. In the same way, your relationship will seem like something is missing or you have too much of something. 

Later in this post, I go through definitions of each of these and how to draw distinctions.

And don’t expect your desires to matches your mates.

You are two different people. 

There has to be some overlap obviously, but respect that people have different tastes and so want different proportions in their recipes.

Lesson # 12 – What Makes Us “Feel Loved” Varies.

Lesson #11 doesn’t include every possibility of course.  Feeling loved often boils down to a set of attributes like those listed in lesson #11. 

When you experience them with your lover, you naturally become closer.

We each have our love languages. There is even a book called “The 5 Love Languages”.

Take the time to figure this out and express it to your mate.

Don’t make your mate responsible for figuring it out.

2022 RULES FOR SUCCESS

  • Morning Routine
    • Create an early morning routine so that you can build momentum for the day. This includes waking up consistently before sunrise.
  • Concentration
    • Concentrate on your daily goals. We become what we think about
  • Think Positively.
    • Have a positive mental attitude so that you can achieve positive results
  • Trust Yourself
    • Ignore the haters.
  • Friends
    • Associate yourself with successful and like-minded people
  • Learn Daily
    • Go to bed smarter by reading books, watching seminars and listening to audio books.
  • Build One Habit at a Time
    • It takes 66 days to develop a habit.
  • Impatience is Weakness
    • Be patient when working on your goals, you can’t be strong all the time, you will have your ups and downs.

THE LEADER WITHIN US

Sooner or later we will discover the Leader within us. A good leader is someone who is in Control, gives Directions, Guidance, Headship, is an excellent Listener and has good management skills.

L – Listener

E – Effective

A – Ability

D – Direction

E – Extraordinary

R – Responsibility

Endurance

The vitality of thought is in adventure. Ideas won’t keep. Something must be done about them. When the idea is new, its custodians have fervour, live for it, and if need be, die for it – Alfred North

Educators take something simple and make it complicated. Communicators take something complicated and make it simple – John Maxwell

The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example – Benjamin Disraeli

Perseverance is not a long race it is many short races one after another – Walter Elliot

Persistent people begin their success where others end in failure – Edward Eggleston

Pull the string, and it will follow wherever you wish. Push it, and it will go nowhere at all – Dwight Eisenhower

Plunge boldly into the thick of life, and seize it where you will, it is always interesting –Johann Von

Rule your mind or it will rule you – Horace

Slump, and the world slumps with you. Push and you push alone – Laurence Peter

To win without risk is to triumph without glory – Pierre Corneille

Tough times never last, but tough people do –Robert Schuller

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being – Von Goethe

Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan – John Kennedy

Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit – Conrad Hilton

Successful leaders have the courage to take action while others hesitate – John Maxwell

The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses – Napoleon Hill

The best leaders are those most interested in surrounding themselves with assistants and associated smarter than they are. They are frank in admitting thins and are willing to pay for such talents – Amos Parrish

The best leaders of all, the people know not they exist. They turn to each other and say, we did it ourselves – Zen Saying

Of all the properties which belong to honourable men, not one is so highly prized as that of character – Henry Clay

The spirited horse, which will try to win the race of its own accord, will run even faster if encouraged – Ovid

The same hammer that shatters the glass forges the steel – Proverb

One man with courage makes a majority – Andrew Jackson

Nurture you mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes – Benjamin

One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life – Edward Butler

One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world was better for this – Don

One of the strongest characteristics of genius is the power of lighting its own fire – John Foster

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency – Arnold Glasgow

You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down – Mary Pickford

You must be the change you wish to see in the world – Mahatma Gandhi

You must not only aim right, but draw the bow with all your might – Henry Thoreau

You must play boldly to win- Arnold

Your opinions are limited only by your fears – Joseph Jambu

You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor – James

It is no use for a leader to surround himself with ten yes-men – Nelson Mandela

Goals

When the solution is simple, God is answering – Albert

It is the compelling zest of high adventure and of victory, and in creative actin, that man finds his supreme joys – Antoine

Whenever I get to a low point, I go back to the basics. I ask myself, “Why am I doing this?” It comes down to passion – St. James

If you follow you bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else – Campbell

Leadership is the capacity and will to rally men and women to a common purpose and the character which inspires confidence – Bernard

There are one hundred and ninety nine ways to get beat, but only one way to win; get there first – Willie

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience – Joseph Jambu

Outstanding people have one thing in common: an absolute sense of mission – ZigZiglar

The immature mind hops from one thing to another; the mature mind seeks to follow through – Harry

The Jack of all trades seldom is good at any. Concentrate all of your efforts on one definite chief aim – Napoleon

There is no use whatever trying to help people who do don help themselves. You cannot push anyone up a ladder unless he is willing to climb himself – Andrew

There is only one way……to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it – Dale

The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing their inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives – William

Rather fall with honor than succeed by fraud – Sophocles

Reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal – Ralph

The great thing in the wold is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving – Oliver

Leaders establish the vision for the future and set the strategy for getting there; they cause change. They motivate and inspire others to go in the right direction and they, along with everyone else, sacrifice to get there – John

Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them – John

Leadership is the ability of a single individual through his or her actions to motivate others to higher levels of achievement – Rodgers

Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions – Harold

Management is nothing more than motivating other people – Lee

Management works in the system; leadership works on the system – Covey

Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it – Lou

Ethics must begin at the top of an organization. It is a leadership issue and the chief executive must set the example – Edward

Moral courage and character go hand in hand…..a man of real character is consistently courageous, being imbued with a basic integrity and a firm sense of principle – Martha

Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it – Dwight

Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never, never – in nothing great or small, large or petty. Never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense – Churchill

When you are in a valley, keep your goal firmly in view and you will get the renewed energy to continue the climb – Denis

You are the person who has to decide. Whether you’ll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you’ll lead or will linger behind. Whether you’ll try for the goal that’s afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are – Edgar

The successful men of today are men of one overmastering idea, one unwavering aim, men of single and intense purpose – Orison

Honesty and Humility

Cherish your human connections: your relationship with friends and family – Bush

Business is not just doing deals; business is having great products, doing great engineering, and providing tremendous service to customer. Finally, business is a cobweb of human relationships – Ross

How can you have charisma? Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are making them feel good about you – Dan

Developing excellent communication skill is absolutely essential to effective leadership. The leader must be able to share knowledge and ideas to transmit a sense of urgency and enthusiasm to others. If a leader can’t get a massage across clearly and motivate others to act on it, then having a message doesn’t even matter –Amelio

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself – Anna

A big man is one who makes us feel bigger when we are with him – John

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing – George

You can’t do everything at once, but you can do something at one – Calvin

A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn’t like the tune – Joseph Jambu

You cannot be a leader, and ask other people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too – Sam

I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occassions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot… and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why…. I succeed – Michael Jordan

You can’t lead anyone else further than you have gone yourself – Gene

No executive has ever suffered because his subordinates’ were strong and effective – Peter

No man is capable of self-improvement if he sees no other model but himself – Conrado

No man is truly great who is great only in his lifetime. The test of greatness is the page of history – William

The superior man is distressed by the limitations of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability that he has – Confucius

The cynic says, “One man can’t do anything”. I say, “Only one man can do anything” – John

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people – Woodrow

The tallest trees are most in the power of the winds, and ambitious men of the blasts of fortune – William

We have the high salaries and we are living in luxury: that destroys our capacity to speak in a forthright manner and tell people to tighten their belts – Nelson Mandela

Leaders

Leaders are problem solvers by talent and temperament by choice – Harlan

Leaders aren’t born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that’s the price we’ll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal – Vince

A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don’t necessarily want to go, but ought to be – Carter

You do not lead by hitting people over the head – that’s assault, not leadership – Dwight

There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things – Niccolo

Show me the leader and I will know his men. Show me the men and I will know their leader – Newcomb

Remember, what you get by reaching your destination isn’t nearly as important as what you become by reaching your goals – what you will become is the winner you were born to be! – ZigZiglar

The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant – Max

The first task of a leader is to keep hope alive – Joe

The function of the leader is to produce more leaders, not more followers – Ralph

The great leaders are like the best conductors – they reach beyond the notes to reach the magic in the players – Lee

Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it – Dwight

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd – Max

Example is not the main thing in influencing others; it is the only thing – Albert

Men make history, and not the other way around. In periods where there is no leadership, society stands still. Progress occurs when courageous, skilful leaders seize the opportunity to change things for the better – Harry

No good decision was ever made in a swivel chair – George

The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self – restraint to keep from meddling with them while they do it – Theodore

Warriors take chances. Like everyone else, they fear failing, but they refuse to let fear control them – Ancient

If people are coming to work excited… if they are making mistakes freely and fearlessly… if they are having fun… if they are concentrating doing things, rather than preparing reports and going to meetings – then somewhere you have leaders – Townsend

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity – George

The best teacher is the one who suggests rather than dogmatizes, and inspires his listener with the wish to teach himself – Edward

The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn – Waldo

When leaders have the honesty to criticize their own mistakes and their own organization, then they can criticize others – Nelson Mandela

It is important to surround yourself with strong and independent personalities, who will tell you when you are getting old – Nelson Mandela

You have to play the mother chicken which provides refuge for everybody. You must be a tower of hope, a model and a motivator. It also takes patience as one has to take all the insult and intimidation because a lot of people will say that you are too assertive – Sarah

Women must rise above being good managers – of the man, the home, the children and all things spicy and sweet – and boldly step out into the visionary leadership – Lucy

Born or made we all have the leader within us, no matter you colour, race, or gender – Delno

Positive thinking

There is no power on earth that can neutralize the influence of a high, simple and useful life – Booker

He who has done his best for his time has lived for all times – Von

The first rule of holes; when you’re in one, stop digging – Molly

What people say, what people do, and what they say they do are entirely different things – Mead

There is in true beauty, as in courage, somewhat which narrow soul cannot dare to admire – William

There is no substitute for victory – Douglas

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything – Billy

It is the nature of man to rise to greatness if greatness is expected of him – John

Knowledge is the most democratic source of power – Alvin

You can’t measure the heart of a champion – Joseph Jambu

A brave man thinks no one superior who does him injury; for make himself superior to the other by forgiveness – Pope

A leader is a dealer in hope – Napoleon

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices – William

A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way – John

You have within you, right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you – Brian

You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through – Rosalynn

You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give – Joseph Jambu

The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality – Quincy

Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish – Sam

Part of being a champ is acting like a champ. You have to learn how to win and not run away when you lose. Everyone has bad stretches and real successes. Either way, you have to be careful not to lose your confidence or get to confident – Nancy

The mind, ever the willing servant, will respond to boldness, for boldness, in effect, is a command to deliver mental resources – Norman

There is no substitute for guts – Paul

There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability – Robert

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them – Shaw

There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self – Joseph Jambu

Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit, you can achieve permanently happy spirit – Norman

Quality begins in the inside… and then works its way out – Bob

Nothing great will ever be achieved without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to be so – Charles

Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises – Demosthenes

Realize that true happiness lies within you – Lucian

Reason and judgment are the qualities of a leader – Tacitus

The first step is to fill your life with a positive faith that will help you through anything. The second is to begin where you are – Norman

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around – Leo

Strong lives are motivated by dynamic purposes – Kenneth

One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man – Elbert

You will find that the mere resolve not to be useless, and the honest desire to help other people, will, in the quickest and delicatest ways, improve yourself – John

Your aspirations are you possibilities – Samuel L. Jackson

Those who wish to sing, always find a song – Joseph Jambu

Manhood Is Not Natural

Manhood is not natural, but it is essential. No society can endure if it does not harness male sexual energy and teach men to take care of the children they father and the women who bear them.

Few would disagree that manhood is in crisis today. Men are falling behind women in important measures of personal and social well-being. In deeply consequential ways, they have become the weaker sex.

Some women celebrate this. Most, however, are deeply concerned, especially since the weakness of the men in their lives makes it increasingly difficult for them to become wives and mothers. The equation is really quite simple: if boys don’t become good, dependable men, they can’t become good, dependable husbands and fathers.

The majority of women want marriage and babies, and usually quite dearly. They don’t need to be talked into them and never really have. Ask women today their biggest obstacle to achieving this goal. It’s not a shortage of males, but of responsible adult males. Men. If they cannot find marriageable men, they often go with other choices. It’s no coincidence that the two fastest growing family formation trends are unmarried cohabitation and out-of-wedlock childbearing among twenty- and thirty-something women.

The causes of these trends can be found in the underappreciated and often-denied distinct natures of manhood and womanhood. It’s rooted in a strange but essential anthropological truth: Womanhood is natural. Manhood is not.

Womanhood Is Natural

Womanhood is a natural phenomenon. A female’s biological make-up usually ensures that she will grow into a healthy woman. Leave her to herself, and it’s likely to happen. It’s why the phrases “woman up,” “be a woman,” or “make a woman out of her” don’t exist.

As her body matures, internally and externally, it sends her and those around her an unmistakable message about what she is and what she’s becoming. It moves her inexorably in that direction with a force as great as it is mysterious. Few girls miss these cues. It’s not just her body that is changing; she is becoming a different person. Her family and community treat her differently because of it. A father shudders at it, as it forever changes the way he interacts with “his little girl.” He must bow to and honor it. I’m the father of a girl. I know it all too well.

Women must be taught, with great political and ideological pressure, to ignore their womanhood and abandon their children, for doing so is contrary to all nature.

Manhood Is Taught

The opposite is true of manhood.  Unlike a woman, a man has no civilized role or agenda inscribed in his body. The boy has no on-board GPS directing him toward his future. His transition into manhood can only come into being with significant, intentional work by other men. As a behavior, manhood must be learned, proven, and earned. As an identity, manhood must be bestowed by a boy’s father and the community’s larger fraternity of men. His mother can only affirm it. She cannot bequeath it.

Maleness just happens, but manhood does not. The first is a biological event, while the second is a developed character quality. When manhood is not formed and cultivated, males fail to mature, resulting in the “perpetual adolescence” or “failure to launch” that plagues our culture. When so many men play beer pong into their forties, live in their parents’ basements, play videogames twelve hours a day, and encounter women only in the form of pixels on a porn site, it seems clear that we have a manhood problem.

The human male nature doesn’t naturally go in the direction civilization requires; it requires the direction of other men. Unlike the female nature, which tends to exist reliably among the median scale of human behavior, the male nature is oriented more toward extremes, for good or bad.

Manhood must be crafted and refined in order to orient males in pro-social, communitarian directions. In fact, this is the first work of every civilization. Anthropologists tell us that the original and most fundamental social problem of any culture is the unattached male. Left to his own, he is not inclined to play well with others. He is not disposed to make himself, or anyone around him, a better person. He is not likely to become other-focused. Either fiercely competitive or indolent, he is more likely to become a social contagion. He will either seek to define himself in the community by power, false confidence, and selfish conquest, or shrink away toward inactivity and reticence.

In every known human society, everywhere in the world, the young male learns that when he grows up, one of the things which he must do in order to be a full member of society is to provide food [and protection] for some female and her young. … every known human society rests firmly on the learned nurturing behaviour of men.

Thus, across virtually all cultures, manhood has largely consisted of three essential qualities: procreation, provision, and protection. If the boy doesn’t learn these things, then he is not likely to become a good, selfless, serving man. Shame and derision from the community will become his lot.

Tragically, manhood is becoming extinct because we are not teaching it.

Male vs. Female Sexuality

Additionally, the most elemental destabilizing force in every culture is not merely unrefined male energy, but his unchecked sexual energy. Full stop. In its fundamental essence, it is deeply anti-social. It has no civilizing, pro-social nature in itself. To become so, it must be acted upon by other forces. By contrast, female sexual energy tends to be inherently pro-social. Female sexuality has the power to create human civilization by moderating the behavior of men, but it can only do this when there is social appreciation for these differences in male and female sexuality, coupled with the strong social morals they require.

Of course, the flip side of unmoderated male energy goes beyond sexuality. A female’s naturally domesticating influence on overall male energy and behavior is easily demonstrated. Who pays substantially lower auto, health, and life insurance premiums, married men or their single peers? Service to the god of equality requires there be no difference here. But we all know better. The wedding-ring-clad man enjoys the financial benefit, and not because insurance companies have a sentimental heart for weddings. Every insurance company knows married men direct their male wanderlust and energy toward safety and responsibility. Single men, not so much.

Without the essential tempering influence of female sexuality, male sexuality is a whole other animal, and not a pretty one.

Sex Makes Babies

This is a problem, because sex makes babies. Every society must give greater attention to this fact than it does to the need for food, shelter, and protection from outside attack. These and all other vital needs are either enhanced or crippled by what a community expects of the relationship between a man, the children he sires, and the woman he does so with. If it doesn’t get this right, few other good things the community needs are likely.

Of course, the male’s attitude and approach toward his procreative act is drastically different from hers. His necessary participation in the act is solely orgasmic, lasting seconds, and is all pleasure. He is not naturally connected to the potential of that act. The mother’s connection, however, is profound, starting shortly after conception and intensifying daily. It costs her dearly in energy, sleep, and overall comfort, starting long before the pain of childbirth. She is inescapably invested. He is not.

The crucial process of civilization is the subordination of male sexual impulses and biology to the long-term horizons of female sexuality . . . It is male behavior that must be changed to create a civilized order. The crucial process of civilization. No society can develop or endure without succeeding at this.

Manhood, Marriage, and Fatherhood

The woman is not only the stabilizing force of male sexuality; she is the authorizing factor in fatherhood. If a particular man desires to be involved in the life of his child, it is the child’s mother, and she alone, who determines whether and how he may do this. She typically desires to make this relationship public by making the father of the child her husband. Anthropologists have called this the legitimization of the child.

Consider the etymology of two key words: matrimony and husband. The first comes from the Latin, matrimonium, meaning literally “obligation to the mother.” Since it is virtually impossible for a mother and her child to thrive by themselves, marriage arose in nearly every civilization throughout time as a way to have the impregnating male take responsibility for his child and the mother. The surrounding community expects the male to fulfill his obligation so it doesn’t have to. It is why marriage is a deeply public act and no society has found a way to function without it.

Thus, the good man steps up, and in doing so, becomes a husband. This stems from the Old Norse, meaning literally house dweller: hús (“house”) bóndi (“dweller” and “bonded serf” or “slave”). The husband settles down and confines himself to a particular household, serving and providing resources for its inhabitants. He becomes a whole other kind of man, taking full responsible for his sexuality and his part in the coming generation.

What Happens When Manhood Isn’t Taught?

It is then certainly no coincidence that the term “feminization of poverty” was coined as the sexual revolution initiated the great divorce between sex, babies, and marriage.  While large opportunities were opening for women due to greater equality, Poverty is rapidly becoming a female problem. She blamed the significant increase in the number of female-headed families.

Ghettos are not created by city planners, crime by the police, or failing health by big pharma. Each of these social ills arises by inattention to the sexual behaviors of males. If he doesn’t have to marry before having sex (and potentially fathering children), the average man won’t. So he hasn’t. The feminization of poverty and the accompanying declines in female happiness and childhood well-being are the tragic results.

Manhood ideologies always include a criterion of selfless generosity, even to the point of sacrifice. Again and again, we find that “real” men are those who give more than they take away; they serve others. Real men are generous, even to a fault. Non-men are often those stigmatized as stingy and unproductive.

A good man is the fountain, not the drain. The formation of such men is the first task of human civilization, and its largest threat when ignored.

The question is, how can we recover manhood today? We must find the answer. For it is not only the fate of men that is at stake, but the fate of our women, children, and society as well.

Food for Thought

 

One who loves till her eyes close, is a Mother.
One who loves without an expression in the eyes, is a Father.
____________________________
Mother – Introduces you to the world.
Father – Introduces the world to you.
___________________________
Mother : Gives you life
Father : Gives you living
__________________________
Mother : Makes sure you are not starving.
Father : Makes sure you know the value of starving
__________________________
Mother : Personifies Care
Father: Personifies Responsibility
__________________________
Mother : Protects you from a fall
Father : Teaches you to get up from a fall.
__________________________
Mother : Teaches you walking.
Father : Teaches you walk of life
__________________________
Mother : Teaches from her own experiences.
Father : Teaches you to learn from your own experiences.
__________________________
Mother : Reflects Ideology
Father : Reflects Reality
___________________________
Mother’s love is known to you since birth.
Father’s love is known when you become a Father or mother
_________________________
Dedicated to Parents!

Valentine Quotes

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I decided to put together a collection of love quotes for your browsing pleasure.

I reached far and wide across songs, movies, and famous people to find some of the best love quotes available.

Love Quotes Teach Us that Love Shapes Your Experience

My most important lessons in love are that love is what you make of it, the more you give, the more you get, true love is falling in love with the same person over and over again, and I also learned that “Those who are the hardest to love, need it the most.”

Top 10 Love Quotes

I selected a few of my favorite love quotes for a top 10 list:

  1. “I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” — Lucille Ball
  2. “Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.” – Unknown
  3. “Love is not a feeling, it’s an ability.” — Dan in Real Life
  4. “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” — When Harry Met Sally
  5. “One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.” — James Earl Jones
  6. “One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life — that word is love.” – Sophocles
  7. “The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.” — Allan K. Chalmers
  8. “The best things in life aren’t things.” — Art Buchwald
  9. “There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.” — Milk Money
  10. “You make me want to be a better man.” — As Good As It Gets

Beauty

Is it beauty that makes us fall head over heels?  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and beauty ranges from acts of kindness to beautiful looks, and inner beauty can last a lifetime, while outer beauty is up against Mother Nature and gravity.  With that in mind, here are love quotes focused on beauty and love:

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun.”

– William Shakespeare

“Do you love me because I am beautiful or am I beautiful because I am loved?”

– Unknown

“If I could ask God one thing, it would be to stop the moon. Stop the moon and make this night and your beauty last forever.”

— A Knight’s Tale

“Kindness in women, not their beauteous looks, shall win my love.”

— William Shakespeare

“See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! Oh that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!”

— William Shakespeare

“Things are beautiful if you love them.”

— Jean Anouilh

“Your eyes are the sweetest stars I’ve ever seen.”

— Moulin Rouge

Broken Hearts and Loss

For many people, the pain of a broken bone is nothing like the pain of a broken heart.  Here are love quotes on broken hearts and loss:

“’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

— Alfred Lord Tennyson

“Hearts will be practical only when they are made unbreakable.”

— The Wizard of Oz

“How come we don’t always know when love begins, but we always know when it ends?”

— L.A. Story

“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on, is to remember them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”

— The Crow

“If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.”

— Richard Bach

“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.”

– Unknown

“That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.”

— Sixteen Candles

“The hottest love has the coldest end.”

– Socrates

“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”

— William Somerset Maugham

“To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.”

— Bess Myerson

“Who do you turn to when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying, is exactly the one making you cry?”

– Unknown

Falling in Love

There are so many ways to describe the act of falling in love.  Here are some of the best love quotes that do just that:

“A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.”

— Woodrow Wyatt

“Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that’s what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going.”

— Practical Magic

“Do you want to know the easiest way to fall in love? Just associate with all your pleasant experiences with someone, and disassociate from all the unpleasant ones.”

— Richard Bandler

“Fate exists but it can only take you so far, because once you’re there, it’s up to you to make it happen.”

— Can’t Hardly Wait

“Love is like a butterfly, it settles upon you when you least expect it.”

– Unknown

“To be loved, be lovable.”

– Unknown

“Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you.”

— Elvis Presley

Fear

Fear comes with the territory.  Here are some of the best love quotes on fear as it relates to love:

“If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just … passes you by.”

— My Best friend’s Wedding

“I would rather have eyes that cannot see; ears that cannot hear; lips that cannot speak, than a heart that cannot love.”

— Robert Tizon

“Tell her that you love her. You’ve got nothing to lose, and you’ll always regret it if you don’t.”

— Love Actually

“You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.”

— Barbara De Angelis

“What is love … Oh baby, don’t hurt me … Don’t hurt me no more.”

– Haddaway

Fun

While love can be some serious business, don’t lose your funny bone.  Here are some light-hearted love quotes that might just put a smile on your face:

“If love is the answer, can you please repeat the question?”

– Unknown

“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”

— Samuel Johnson

“My husband and I fell in love at first sight… maybe I should have taken a second look.”

— Crimes and Misdemeanors

“Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love.”

— Charlie Brown

“Swoon. I’ll catch you.”

— The English Patient

“You are what I never knew I always wanted.”

— Fools Rush In

“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.”

— Melanie Clark

“Your heart is my piñata.”

— Chuck Palahniuk

Kissing

Love adds the magic to an otherwise ordinary kiss.  Here are some interesting love quotes about kissing:

“A kiss isn’t worth anything until you give it to somebody else.”

– Unknown

“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”

— Judy Garland

“Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.”

– Casablanca

“There have been five great kisses since 1642 B.C. (before then couples hooked thumbs) … and the precise rating of kisses is a terribly difficult thing, often leading to great controversy.  Well, this one left them all behind.”

— The Princess Bride

“What do you want to marry me for anyhow? … So I can kiss you anytime I want.”

– Sweet Home Alabama

“You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.”

— Never Been Kissed

Love and Life

Some say that it’s love that makes life worth living.  Others say that love is all you need.  Here are some love quotes on love and life:

“A life filled with love must have some thorns, but a life empty of love will have no roses.”

– Unknown

“All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone to make us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, someone perfect is searching for us.”

— The Wonder Years

“Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it’s everything in between that makes it all worth living.”

— Hope Floats

“Life is messy. Love is messier.”

— Catch and Release

“Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made – like bread, remade all the time, made new.”

— Ursula K. LeGuin

“Love grows by giving. The love we give away is the only love we keep. The only way to retain love is to give it away.”

— Elbert Hubbard

“Love makes life so confusing, but without love would you really want to live?”

– Unknown

“The rules of fair play do not apply in love and war.”

— John Lyly

“The secret of love is seeking variety in your life together, and never letting routine chords dull the melody of your romance.”

— Unknown

Significance and Meaning

Love can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary.  Here are some love quotes on significance and meaning:

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”

— Roy Croft

“No one is perfect until you fall in love with them.”

– Unknown

“The greatest possession we have costs nothing, it’s known as love.”

— Brian Jett

“There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. Only love.”

— Don Juan DeMarco

“To be able to say how much you love is to love but little.”

— Petrarch

“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

– Unknown

“We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.”

— Mother Teresa

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

— William Shakespeare

“You will see a lot of things, but they will mean nothing to you, if you lose sight of the thing you love.”

— At First Sight

The Power of Love

Love is a powerful thing.   Here are some love quotes on the power of love:

“All you need is love, love, love is all you need.”

– The Beatles

“Faith makes all things possible. Love makes them easy.”

– Unknown

“I will find you. No matter how long it will take, no matter how far.”

— The Last Of The Mohicans

“Let your heart guide you. It whispers so listen carefully.”

— The Land Before Time

“Love has given me wings, so I must fly.”

— A Knight’s Tale

“Love is like a knife, it can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that will last a lifetime.”

– Unknown

“Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place, suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace, suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste, it all revolves around you.”

— Moulin Rouge

“Take love, multiply it by infinity and take it to the depths of forever.. and you still have only a glimpse of how I feel for you.”

— Meet Joe Black

“The best love is the kind that weakens the soul, that makes us reach for more, that plants fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever.”

— The Notebook

“When a man loves a woman, he can’t keep his mind on nothing else.”

— Percy Sledge

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.”

— Jimi Hendrix

True Love

True love is what many people seek, and some people find, and others abandon.   Here are some love quotes on true love:

“Don’t say we aren’t right for each other, the way i see it is … we aren’t right for anyone else.”

— The Cutting Edge

“Have you never met a woman who inspires you to love? Until your every sense is filled with her? You inhale her. You taste her. You see your unborn children in her eyes and know that your heart has at last found a home. Your life begins with her, and without her it must surely end.”

— Don Juan DeMarco

“I am someone else when I’m with you, someone more like myself.”

— Original Sin

“I wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they’re supposed to have.”

— Fried Green Tomatoes

“Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman, but luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man.”

– Unknown

“This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime.”

— Bridges of Madison County

“True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.”

— Kissing A Fool “”

“True love is like a fine wine, the older the better.”

— Fred Jacob

“True love is when your heart and your minds are saying the same thing.”

— Leanna L. Bartram

“Trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with.”

– Unknown

“You’re not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you met, she isn’t perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other.”

— Good Will Hunting

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

– Unknown

General Love Quotes

Here is a cornucopia of love quotes on general ideas about love:

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”

–Mignon McLaughlin

“An immature love says I love you because I need you, but a mature love says I need you because I love you.”

– Unknown

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

— Mother Teresa

“I love you. I am who I am because of you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, everyday we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours.”

— The Notebook

“In these dreams I’ve loved you so, that by now I think I know what it’s like to be loved by you. I will love being loved by you.”

— The King and I

“I’ve been saying it so long to you, you just wouldn’t listen. Every time you said ‘Farm Boy do this’ you thought I was answering ‘As you wish’ but that’s only because you were hearing wrong. ‘I love you’ was what it was, but you never heard.”

— The Princess Bride

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.”

— William Shakespeare

“Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they’re gone.”

— The Notebook

“The heart has its reasons that reason does not know.”

— Pascal

“The mark of a true crush, Is that you fall in love first, and grope for reasons afterward.”

–Shana Alexander

“What will NY152 say today, I wonder. I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go online, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You’ve got mail. I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you.”

— You’ve Got Mail

“When they ask me what I liked best, I’ll tell them it was you.”

— City Of Angels

What’s your favorite love quote of all time?

Never Back Down

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” — T.S. Elliot

You only get one chance at this life, so live it to the fullest. Don’t wast your time worrying about what anyone might say, or could possibly think about you-these are things you cannot control. If there is one guaranteed way to throw you life away it is to live it based on the potential of someone else’s disapproval. Do what you love, do what makes you happy, and never back down.

Dear Valentine

love blog.jpgLove comes in all shapes and sizes and to each his own. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I put together a sampling of 25 movies and what they can teach us about life and love. Even if you’re not a fan of Valentine’s Day, enjoy the quotes and perhaps see things in a new light. Sometimes just the right words, are like an old song, sung new.

Here they are:

1. As Good as it Gets – Love can bring out your best. Melvin: “You make me want to be a better man.”

2. Be My Valentine Charlie Brown – Just because you don’t get a Valentine, doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable.

3. Casablanca. Kiss like you mean it. Ilsa: “Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.
It’s the kind of thing you want to hold on to forever.”

4. Casper: Don’t let go. Casper: “If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?”

5. Cinderella. It’s what dreams are made of. Cinderella: “A dream is a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.”

6. Dan in Real Life. Love is an ability. Marty: “Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It’s an ability.”

7. Don Juan DeMarco. The answer is love. Don Juan: “There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.”

8. Ghost. Sometimes you need to hear it. Sam: “Ditto.”

9. It’s a Wonderful Life. We’ll do anything to impress the one we love. George: “What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”

10. Memoirs of a Geisha. Love is a bond. Nobu: “We are tied to each other. I know you feel it too.”

11. My Girl – Butterflies and fuzzy feelings are what first kisses are about. Loss hurts.

12. P.S. I Love You – Cherish the time you have together. It’s part of the journey. Gerry: “If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I’m just one chapter in yours. There’ll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you”

13. Romeo and Juliet – Puppy love makes you say the darnedest things. Romeo: “See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!”

14. Runnaway Bride – Sometimes it’s a bumpy ride. But it’s worth it. Maggie: “I guarantee there’ll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is going to want get out. But I also guarantee… that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart… you’re the only one for me.”

15. Shrek – Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Stay true to you.

16. Sleepless in Seattle. Sometimes, it’s like a snowflake just for you. Sam: “Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home… only to no home I’d ever known… I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like… magic.”

17. The Bridges of Madison County. You know it when you feel it. Robert Kinkaid: “This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime.”

18. The Crow. Remember them. Sarah: “If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”

19. The Notebook – If you’ve ever really loved, you know what it’s like to really live. Noah: “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”

20. The Princess Bride – Nothing beats true love. Miracle Max says, “Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.”

21. The Way We Were – Remember how it felt when it wasn’t complicated. Hold on to that. Katie: “Wouldn’t it be lovely if we were old? We’d have survived all this. Everything thing would be easy and uncomplicated; the way it was when we were young.”

22. The Wizard of Oz. Love isn’t meant to be practical. Wizard of Oz: “As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”

23. Titanic. Endings can be bitter sweet. Jack: “Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it brought me to you. And I’m thankful for that, Rose. I’m thankful. You must do me this honor. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.”

24. Wedding Crashers – Love more. You’ve got more capacity than you might think you do. John: “You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.”

25. When Harry Met Sally. Sometimes love is like a new lease on life. Harry: “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

My favorite (which does not feature in the above list) is more of a question than a quote. It’s from the Movie Bucket List starring Jack Nickelson and Morgan Freeman.

Excerpts from the pyramid scene;

Morgan: “The ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief – when their souls got to the entrance to heaven their gods asked them two questions, their answers determined whether they were admitted or not;

Q.1 have you found joy in your life?
Q.2 has your life brought joy to others?”

The above beliefs might have been surpassed by time but i believe their profound meaning is still relevant to this very day.

As we celebrate all matters love this month, ask yourself the above two questions and find out if they resonate with your inner being because joy is the essence of love.

Happy Valentines!!!

17 Counterintuitive Things Successful People Do

Success
Success

1) They pick fights to test others resolve in their own beliefs.

in business you can’t turn over the reins to someone who doesn’t know how to defend their own ideas and plans.

2) Isolate yourself to re-energize

if you charge when you are by yourself you need to seek out isolation from time to time.

3)Purposefully offend

Sometimes the only way to get someones attention is to call him or her out

4)Hyper self critical

of your own standards and choices

5)Peacock

Don’t give others the option not to see you or hear your message.

6)Repeat mistakes enough times until we really learn the lesson

We hardly learn anything truly worthwhile one try.

7)Seek out rejection to get dis-sensitized to the fear of it

Once we lose the fear of rejection, we more easily go after what we want, and thus get more of it.

8)Ignore consensus

when your own data and foresight is convincingly contrary to the wisdom of the crowd

9)Expect nothing in return for helping your peers

10)Quit those en devours you will never win at and take a new swing at the plate

don’t double down on a losing effort by not knowing when to walk away.

11)Play possum with your competitors

Don’t be so eager to show off your strengths until it’s the perfect time to strike

12)Get C’s instead of A’s

If you excel in non-traditional environments (like Entrepreneurs) & can justify the opportunity cost of your time.

13)Become indifferent to slights

Because time and energy are too valuable to waste on petty matters

14)Self Sabotage yourself when you find yourself mired in complacency

Don’t ever get too comfortable  with the status quo, always be willing to blow it up and start all over again to truly create something better

15)Abstain from work which others can do for you

Delegate every task that others can do 80% as well as you, and focus on those items that only you can achieve that have big payoffs.

16)Plot and scheme your next couple moves ahead

know where you are going far in advance of making your first move.

17)Underestimate demand for your products and services

Don’t ever assume people want what you got, and you will always have the appropriate amount of urgency and hustle to validate what you are trying to achieve.

Relationships!!

Make each day count!!

 

 

 
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She s

at down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ♥

My Sunshine!

Endless love

Palpable and dumb like a globed fruit,
I mused over what could have made me mute,
Witty, lovely, warm and cute,
Attributes so sweet that can tame any brute.

What seemed like a casual call,
Was eminently the path to my fall,
Like a wounded warrior in the midst of the battle,
My heart was overwhelmed and my senses left to scuttle.

Independent, confident and unique,
She strides gracefully revealing her perfect physique,
Constantly asserting her ravishing beauty,
With a sight so touching in its majesty.

Lovely ambience, endless frills,
Deep connection, story thrills,
Enticed taste bud, sumptuous meal,
Drenching appetite with great zeal.

As the evening elapsed and morning drew nigh,
Time came to say bye but all I could do is sigh,
With a hug that said I don’t want to let go,
Came a feeling deep down that it was meant to be so.

This feeling is such that I can no way repay,
May God reward thee manifold I pray,
Because if ever two were meant to be one, then surely we,
And if ever woman made me feel so special, then thee.

Happy Valentines.

A poem by joseph jambu.

Life Steps

One step at a time.

Our entire life is made up of choices,
What we decide,
the action we take,
the attitude we display
All represent the steps of life.

Sometimes we take two steps forward
And one-step back.
Some of us take baby steps
Some of us take giant steps

But the secret is not to let that
one step back turn into a failure.
Learn from backward steps

And keep on stepping forward in this dance
Called Life!

Beautiful Pearls

Necklace made from crochet lace (mercerized co...

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl. One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace, and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, “Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don’t forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. Okay?” Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls. How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere to kindergarten, bed and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn’t wear them was in the shower. Her mother had told her that they would turn her neck green! Now Jenny had a very loving daddy. When Jenny went to bed, he would get up from his favourite chair every night and read Jenny her favourite story. One night when he finished the story, he said, “Jenny, do you love me?” “Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you,” the little girl said. “Well, then, give me your pearls.” “Oh! Daddy, not my pearls!” Jenny said. “But you can have Rosy, my favourite doll. Remember her? You gave her to me last year for my birthday. And you can have her tea party outfit, too. Okay?” “Oh no, darling, that’s okay.” Her father brushed her cheek with a kiss. “Good night, little one.” A week later, her father once again asked Jenny after her story, “Do you love me?” “Oh yes, Daddy, you know I love you.” “Well, then, give me your pearls.” “Oh, Daddy, not my pearls! But you can have Ribbons, my toy horse. Do you remember her? She’s my favorite. Her hair is so soft, and you can play with it and braid it and everything. You can have Ribbons if you want her, “Daddy,” the little girl said to her father. “No, that’s okay,” her father said and brushed her cheek again with a kiss. God bless you, little one. Sweet dreams.” Several days later, when Jenny’s father came in to read her a story, Jenny was sitting on her bed and her lip was trembling. ” Here, Daddy,” she said, and held out her hand. She opened it and her beloved pearl necklace was inside. She let it slip into her father’s hand. With one hand her father held the plastic pearls and the other he pulled out of his pocket a blue velvet box. Inside of the box were real, genuine, beautiful pearls. He had had them all along. He was waiting for Jenny to give up the cheap stuff so he could give her the real thing. So it is with GOD. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so he can give us beautiful treasure. Isn’t God good? This made me think about the things I hold on to and wonder what God wants to give me in its place.

KEEP YOUR DREAM

I have a friend named Monty Roberts who owns a horse ranch in San Ysidro. He has let me use his house to put on fund-raising events to raise money for youth at risk programs. The last time I was there he introduced me by saying, “I want to tell you why I let Jack use my horse. It all goes back to a story about a young man who was the son of an itinerant horse trainer who would go from stable to stable, race track to race track, farm to farm and ranch to ranch, training horses. As a result, the boy’s high school career was continually interrupted. When he was a senior, he was asked to write a paper about what he wanted to be and do when he grew up. “That night he wrote a seven-page paper describing his goal of someday owning a horse ranch. He wrote about his dream in great detail and he even drew a diagram of a 200-acre ranch, showing the location of all the buildings, the stables and the track. Then he drew a detailed floor plan for a 4,000-square-foot house that would sit on a 200-acre dream ranch. “He put a great deal of his heart into the project and the next day he handed it in to his teacher. Two days later he received his paper back. On the front page was a large red F with a note that read, `See me after class.’ “The boy with the dream went to see the teacher after class and asked, `Why did I receive an F?’ “The teacher said, `This is an unrealistic dream for a young boy like you. You have no money. You come from an itinerant family. You have no resources. Owning a horse ranch requires a lot of money. You have to buy the land. You have to pay for the original breeding stock and later you’ll have to pay large stud fees. There’s no way you could ever do it.’ Then the teacher added, `If you will rewrite this paper with a more realistic goal, I will reconsider your grade.’ “The boy went home and thought about it long and hard. He asked his father what he should do. His father said, `Look, son, you have to make up your own mind on this. However, I think it is a very important decision for you.’ “Finally, after sitting with it for a week, the boy turned in the same paper, making no changes at all. He stated, “You can keep the F and I’ll keep my dream.” Monty then turned to the assembled group and said, “I tell you this story because you are sitting in my 4,000-square-foot house in the middle of my 200-acre horse ranch. I still have that school paper framed over the fireplace.” He added, “The best part of the story is that two summers ago that same schoolteacher brought 30 kids to camp out on my ranch for a week.” When the teacher was leaving, he said, “Look, Monty, I can tell you this now. When I was your teacher, I was something of a dream stealer. During those years I stole a lot of kids’ dreams. Fortunately you had enough gumption not to give up on yours.” “Don’t let anyone steal your dreams. Follow your heart, no matter what.”

Harvard

Statue of John Harvard, founder of Harvard Uni...

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard’s outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods country folks had no business at Harvard and probably didn’t even deserve to be in Cambrigde. She frowned. “We want to see the president, “the man said softly. “He’ll be busy all day,” the secretary snapped. “We’ll wait,” the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn’t. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. “Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they’ll leave, “she told him. He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn’t have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham and homespun suits cluttering his office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple. The lady told him, “We had a son that attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard, and was very happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him somewhere on campus. “The president wasn’t touched, he was shocked. “Madam,” he said gruffly, “we can’t put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery.” “Oh, no” the lady explained quickly, “we don’t want to erect a statue. We thought we would give a building to Harvard.” The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, “A building!! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard!!” For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now. The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, “Is that all it costs to start a university? Why don’t we just start our own?” Her husband nodded. The president’s face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, CA where they established the University that bears their name…a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about. “You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them.”

King Arthur and the witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?….What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered….is to be in charge of her own life! Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day…or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Testing for gossip

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and …”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really …”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?”

On Youth

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Youth is not entirely a time of life — it is a state of mind. It is not wholly a matter of ripe cheeks, red lips, or supple knees. It is a temper of will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions.

Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. People grow old only by deserting their ideals. You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fears; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.

In the central place of every heart, there is a recording chamber; so long as it receives messages of beauty and hope, cheer and courage, you are young.

When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then and only then have you grown old.

You are Wonderful:-)

The following true story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales were booming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold. The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you’ve all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment.” The crowd groaned in disappointment and failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in’s name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.

The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished, there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, “Daddy, I think you are wonderful!” The crowd broke into thunderous applause.

We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, “I think you are wonderful. “

Our Deepest Fear!!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous ? Actually, who are you not to be ? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Attributed to Nelson Mandella)