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let’s Support The Less Privileged

In the market you find a poor woman with a baby at her back,you lower your car window and with a military rough command voice you asked her:

“How much are you selling those onions and bananas?”

The poor seller politely replies,
“$3 for a bunch of bananas and $2,50 for a pack of onions.”

With pride you demand the bunch of bananas at $2 and the the pack of onions at $1,50 or else you will leave.

The poor seller resigns to fate and replies, “take them at the price you want.I have not made any sale today, at least I have something for supper now.”

She has made a loss but she goes further to buy a plastic bag for you to pack the two items you have just bought.

You order her to hurry up otherwise you may change your mind.She apologises and with a smile, she gives you the items and she blesses you for patronizing her.

You literally throw the money at her and you sped away leaving behind a cloud of smoke and dust which causes a bit of discomfort to her and the baby.She is coughing while securing her little money.Her poverty has left her with no choice.

You have now arrived at the 5-star restaurant where you are to meet friends and you ask them to order food and drinks of their choice.

They order expensive food and the leftovers are more than the food they have eaten.

The total bill is $400 and you pay without bargaining, you gave a tip of $50 appreciating the waiter for a delicious meal….which you didn’t eat even half of.

This incident might seem quite normal to you but it’s inhumane…

THE POINT IS:-👇

Why do we always show that we have the bargaining power when we buy from the poor?

Why do we become arrogant when buying from the poor?

Why do we become stingy when buying from the vulnerable?

Why do we show generosity to those who do not even need our generosity?

Why do we become polite when buying from the rich who view our money as mere change?

Why do we channel money to a sea of money?

Please buy simple goods from the poor people at high prices….do it deliberately.

Sometimes, pay extra for the items you buy from poor women…you are only blessing them in your little way

Please where possible buy items from local markets.

To everyone reading this, please, everytime you see them in traffic, taxi parks, bus stops, on the streets….just buy!

Don’t bargain.They are not looking for money to buy expensive clothes or mansions or cars, but to feed their children back home and pay school fees.

The Sweet Spot: Passion, Profit, and Value!

The Sweet Spot – The Intersection of Passion, Profit, and Value

Passion, profit, and value is the key to sustainable results:

  • Passion.  Your passion is your fuel for making things happen.  In today’s skill-for-hire economy, one of your most important assets is your passion.  It’s you’re staying power, and your get up and go, especially when you get knocked down.  It’s how you get up again.  Passion is also a proxy for your values, strengths, and purpose.  Strengths can be skills, but in this case, I’m also thinking about your natural strengths … the stuff that comes easy for you, but might be tough for others.   We tend to love what we’re awesome at, and, our passion tends to help us get awesome to begin with.
  • Profit.  This is about how much you can make.  Just because you create tons of value, doesn’t mean you can make a profit, especially in an economy where free is the new price, and your competition gives away what you try to sell.  How do you know what’s making a profit?  You ask.  This is where your network comes in.  Also, your friendly neighborhood accountant might be the perfect source for knowing what’s making money, and what’s not.
  • Value.  The idea here is that if you’re creating value, you have a better chance of getting rewarded.  Value is in the eye of the beholder.  This means staying aware of what the market values and knowing that the market doesn’t always drive the right thing.  This also means being aware of intrinsic vs. market value. Intrinsic value is what something is really worth, while market value is what people are willing to pay, which could be wildly inflated.  Personally, I like to optimize around providing value for basic needs, and I’m cautious when market value and intrinsic value are out of whack … market corrections can be painful.

To give you an example of the passion, profit and value intersection, I have a passion for making others great.  There’s a certain market value to that.  I already do it for free, but if I wanted to profit from it, I would take on certain clients.  For example, if the President wanted me for his results coach, I’d give him my special presidential discount, but I would still expect to profit from the value I create.

OK, fine, I’d do it for free, so it’s not a great example.

Cutting Questions to Find Your Path

Here are some cutting questions to help find and test your paths …

  • What would you do for free?
  • What’s the minimum you need to make?
  • What’s your minimum and ideal life style?
  • How much do you need to fund your ideal life style?
  • Who has the job that you want that you can model from?

Guideline for Getting Results

Some guidelines for results …

  • Find the intersections of your passion, profit, and value.
  • Passion, profit and value are sliding scales … this gives you a lot of flexibility as well as trade-offs.
  • If you’re creating all value, and no profit, that’s a charity, and that won’t pay your bills.
  • If you’re playing to your passion, but creating no value, that’s a hobby.
  • If you do what you hate, you’ll suck your life force dry.
  • Find the job you love, or love the job your with.
  • You can love the job you’re with, by by changing your why or changing your how. 
  • Some hobbies can be turned into profit, if they create value.
  • Sometimes the key to unleashing your profit potential, is simply finding the right channel or platform.
  • Be careful what you get paid for, because if you externalize your reward, you can kill your passion.
  • Knowing the market demand and the profit potential can help you follow the money.
  • Money is a means, not an end.   When you’re below the line, it means everything.  Once you’re above the line, happiness is doing what you love and service to others … you know, the stuff Maslow taught us.

One important point here is that life’s not static and neither is the market.

One strategy is to follow the growth.  This includes following the growth in the market (think biotech, green, … etc.) as well as following paths that lead to your own personal growth.

It’s one way to keep the skills that pay the bills.

6 Ways to Exlore Yourself and the World in New Ways

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” — T.S. Elliot

Adding new experiences to your life is the best way to stay fully engaged, energized, and enthusiastic.

Otherwise you burn out from boredom.

Your routines and monotony will eat your soul.

When you shake things up, you active your brain, and you reengage with your life.  And that’s how you live.

Seek Novelty and Challenge to Be Happier in Life

Science says our brains seek change.  Novelty and challenge are the keys to help you break out of routines and ruts, and to create a sense of energy and enthusiasm.

“After peering into thousands of people’s brains with advanced imaging machines such as the MRI, neuroscientists have concluded that the brain is hardwired to seek and enjoy novelty and challenge

Remember those two ingredients:  novelty and challenge.

You can have all the right fixing for an incredible life–love, respect, abundance, and so on–but without those two ingredients your recipe ends up as a bland soup of sadness and disengagement.”

An engaged brain is a happy one.  When you try new things, you give your brain a chance to come alive and get back in the game.

Your brain loves “let’s figure this out” mode when you give it a chance.

Your brain becomes much more activated when something novel or challenging occurs.  Novel things make your mind snap to attention and become sharp, releasing dopamine and energizing your brain to go into ‘let’s figure this out’ mode.  It’s what motivates us to learn.  If that novelty also challenges us then our brains stay engaged for even longer.  And an engaged brain is a happy brain.

1.  The Ninety-Day Getaway

Take a trip, once every three months (once a quarter in corporate warrior terms).

Every ninety days, plan a getaway either by yourself or with our spouse or significant other.  Yes, every ninety days.  This doesn’t have to be a trip around the world–the goal isn’t how far you travel; it’s how far you get away, the difference being measured not in the miles you travel, but in how far mentally you break the monotony of routine in order to relax and rejuvenate.

2.  The Restaurant or Dining Tour

Date night is a great night to try some new places to eat.  If you don’t have a date night, maybe that’s your starting point.

Make your date nights an excursion to a new restaurant once a week.  If you’re in a small town, get a group of friends to host dinner every few weeks.  The goal is to get about town and experience new dining experiences.

3.  Shows, Sporting Events, Experiences

There is always something going on.  And something amazing might be happening right in your own backyard.

I am constantly surprised when I find out who’s in town, or what shows are playing, or what fun things there are to do, either in the local neighborhood or a hop-skip-and a jump away.

It’s a reminder that I really need to map out and pay attention to local area events.

What’s happening in your city this weekend?  Are there shows or performances you can go see?  Any new exhibits or exhibitions?  Despite the fact that many of us love going to the movies, sporting events, or the theater, most of us rarely do.  Make it a habit to be on the lookout for things you can go see and cheer for.

4.  Travel Adventures

Traveling is a great way to explore new places and try new things.  The most interesting thing to me is how some places don’t feel like any other places on the planet.

Do you have a list of the top-fifty destinations you want to go in your life?  Are you actively checking them off the list, at least once per year?  If not, get to it.  Traveling is one of the surest ways to introduce novelty, engagement, and excitement in your life.

5.  Expanding Your Peer Circle

Long ago a friend of mine gave me a new metaphor for people.  He said that I had looked at the people in my life in a static way.  More like a lake.  He said I needed to take a river view, and keep in mind that people are constantly flowing into and out of our lives.

A little habit I adopted at work is to challenge myself to regularly meet new people and expand my worlds.  And I find new people bring new energy, and I feed off that.

It’s funny how ‘making friends’ is so important to us when we’re young, but we lay off our efforts the older we get.  But your friendship and peer circles are the most important external influences in determining your happiness (outside of your intimate relationship).  Get serious about expanding your peer circle by going to networking events, fund-raisers, and local events and performances.  Be on the lookout not just for networking purposes, but for friendship-making purposes.

6.  Skill Development

Adding new skills is a great way to keep your brain alive and open the doors to new possibilities.

What ten skills should you develop this year?  How actively are you currently chasing and working toward mastery of something like writing, speaking, singing, cooking, programming, leading, playing soccer, or some other artistic, athletic, or professional skill?

The challenge of seeking new skills is one of the surest ways to test and transcend your own boundaries.  Go find something new to learn, and fall on your face trying to learn it.  Enjoy the process of learning–it’s one of the easiest paths to a more engaged brain (and life).

The quality of your life is really the quality of your experiences.

If you want to raise the bar and feel fully alive, then challenge yourself to find new ways to try new things and to add new experiences to your life.

Otherwise, you may slowly lose your spark that makes everything else worth it.

Keep your spark.

50 life changing chess nuggets

THE GAME OF CHESS

After reading “Little Book of Chess Tips” by Peter French i sought my own interpretation of the same and how the rules can apply in our day to day lives. Enjoy………………………….

Things may not be as they seem!

  1. Pay close attention to every move your opponent makes – figure out the reason behind the step in life.
  2. When you see a good move, wait – look for a better one! – try to find the best move you can in every single position.
  3. Always have a plan in mind – what are you trying to achieve in a few years time.
  4. Remember value according to the type of position – strike where it hurts the most by optimising chances.
  5. Avoid repeating mistakes – analyse your games to understand better your opponent’s plans.
  6. Time is a vital element in chess – establish yourself in the strongest possible way using as few moves as possible.
  7. Control of the centre – everything flows from the heart, guard it with all your might.
  8. Never compromise or neglect your king – stick to what is most important and never derail.
  9. Know when to swap – difference between hoarding and spending relies on both timing and wisdom
  10. Weaken your opponents pawn formation – don’t miss an opportunity of tackling your problems and shuttering it’s structure.
  11. Consider the endgame – envision the end from the beginning.
  12. Concentrate all the time – remain frosty till victory is established at the very end of the game.
  13. If you are losing in the endgame, set stalemate traps – restrict your opponent as much as possible so as to increase chances of your victory.
  14. Be much more alert to your own attacking possibilities – be readier to defend against future threats or even to remove them completely.
  15. Relieve the pin/tie as soon as possible – be aware of any issues that may be tying you down as they narrow down your options to succeed.
  16. Moving to discover a threat from another piece – ensure you consider every potential move your opponent can make.
  17. All games are eventually decided by tactics – the most advantageous weapon that you can carry into a fight is tact.
  18. Always be on the lookout – search for indicators/red flags that may reduce your chances of winning or increase your opponents chances of losing.
  19. Reasons for making a sacrifice – be mindful in order to maximise your gains and limit your opponents options.
  20. Defend with the weakest available piece – wherever possible, use pawns to defend as much as possible.
  21. The knight is the weakest defensive piece – your game is as strong as your weakest link.
  22. Exploit overloaded pieces – read into your opponents game and take advantage of any mishaps.
  23. Don’t spend all your practice time learning opening theory – in any case, a thorough grasp of strategy and tactics is a far greater asset in the opening than mere book knowledge.
  24. When you are not sure of the best plan – improve the position of your worst placed piece.
  25. Balance pawn moves – thereby creating your opponents weakness that will be exploited later in the game.
  26. If your king is under attack – sometimes the best defence is to retreat and evaluate yourself, plan, strategize and come back with a better tactic.
  27. Never begin with insufficient material – the intensity of an attack should correlate with the resources available to execute the same.
  28. If your king is castled behind unmoved pawns – don’t put all your eggs in one basket in regards to defence.
  29. Look for the Greek gift sacrifice – sometimes death of a team member is necessary for the sake of the team’s survival.
  30. Look for opportunities – at times it may need you to make a calculated sacrificial tactical move that can win immediately.
  31. Never attack unless and until – only commence aggression when you have a tangible positional advantage.
  32. Do not attack on the flank unless – the centre should be strong, impenetrable and infallible.
  33. Spend time studying endgames – understanding the endgame makes the player more likely to win when the opportunity presents itself.
  34. Do not underestimate the king in the end game – do not hesitate to use your best resources at your disposal at the time when they can be fully optimised.
  35. The knight should stay as close to the king as possible – keep your priorities in life straight.
  36. Aim to exchange so that when the endgame is reached it is your opponent not you, who has the pawn – foresight is key.
  37. If you are defending the king against the king and pawn – strategy and tact is vital to draw the end game.
  38. When defending with a rook against pawns – sometimes you have to lose some to get some.
  39. To build batteries on files or diagonals – working together will yield a stronger result than the sum of its parts.
  40. Consider playing a system – the more things change, they more they stay the same.
  41. If winning beware of exchange into an opposite coloured bishop endgame – stay on your toes until the last victory whistle.
  42. Consider playing your opponent, not the board – assess as far as you can what type of problem you have and seek to frustrate it by all means necessary.
  43. Never neglect your control of the clock – it is essential to invest you time wisely, and conserve it for when you really need it.
  44. Don’t give checks for the sake of it – every resource should be used frugally in a nifty fashion.
  45. Do chess puzzles – always look for ways to expound your critical thinking ability.
  46. Use a good chess computer program – constantly seek to challenge yourself in order to grow.
  47. Do not fall into the habit – seek virtues rather than vices in all your deeds.
  48. Do not forget to look for traps – nothing is for free, always question and be suspicious.
  49. Play your best game all the time – let your lifestyle reflect your *A* game in all your endeavours.
  50. Remember that chess is a game – be generous to your opponent when you win, and never, ever be a bad loser. Play to win, play aggressively by all means, but treat your opponent with respect!

My favourite take away from this book is “The winner of the game is the player who makes the next – to – last mistake”

Do not be afraid to take risks even though they make your stomach churn – they may just be worth it!

Credit goes to the author of the ‘Little Book of Chess Tips’ by Peter French

The journey is short

An elderly woman got on a bus and sat down. At the next stop, a strong, grumpy young lady climbed up and sat down beside the old woman, hitting her with her numerous bags.

When she saw that the elderly woman remained silent, the young woman asked her why she had not complained when she hit her with her bags?

The elderly woman replied with a Smile: “There is no need to be rude or discuss something so insignificant, as our journey together is so short, because I am going to get off at the next stop.”

This answer deserves to be written in gold letters: “There is no need to discuss something so insignificant, because our journey together is too short.”

Each of us must understand that our time in this world is so short. That darkening it with useless arguments, jealousy, not forgiving others, discontentment and bad attitudes are a ridiculous waste of time and energy.

Did someone break your heart? Stay calm. The trip is too short.

Did someone betray, intimidate, cheat or humiliate you? Relax. Don’t stress. The trip is too short.

Did someone insult you without reason? Shake it off. Ignore it. The trip is too short.

Did a neighbor make a comment that you didn’t like? Take a deep breath. Ignore him/her. Forgive and forget it. The trip is too short.

Whatever problem someone has brought us, remember that our journey together is too short.

No one knows the length of our trip. Nobody knows when it will arrive at its stop. Our trip together is short.

Let us appreciate friends and family.
Let us be respectful, kind and forgiving.
In return, we will be filled with gratitude and joy. After all, our trip together is very short.

living your best life

  1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
  2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
  3. When you wake up in the morning, Pray to ask God’s guidance for your purpose, today.
  4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
  5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli and almonds.
  6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
  7. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
  8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper.
  9. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
  10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything!
  11. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
  12. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
  13. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
  14. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
  15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
  16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years, will this matter?’
  17. Help the needy, Be generous! Be a ‘Giver’, not a ‘Taker’.
  18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
  19. Time heals everything.
  20. However good or bad a situation, it will change.
  21. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your family will. Stay in touch.
  22. Envy is a waster of time. You already have all you need.
  23. Each night before you go to bed, Pray to God and be thankful for what you’ll accomplish, today!
  24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
  25. Make every day count!

What 25 Movies Teach Us About Love

Love comes in all shapes and sizes and to each his own.  In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I put together a sampling of 25 movies and what they can teach us about life and love.  Even if you’re not a fan of Valentine’s Day, enjoy the quotes and perhaps see things in a new light.  Sometimes just the right words, are like an old song, sung new.

Here they are:

  1. As Good as it Gets – Love can bring out your best.  Melvin: “You make me want to be a better man.”
  2. Be My Valentine Charlie Brown – Just because you don’t get a Valentine, doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable.
  3. Casablanca.  Kiss like you mean it.  Ilsa: “Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.
    It’s the kind of thing you want to hold on to forever.”
  4. Casper: Don’t let go.  Casper: “If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?”
  5. Cinderella.  It’s what dreams are made of.  Cinderella: “A dream is a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.”
  6. Dan in Real Life.  Love is an ability.  Marty: “Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It’s an ability.”
  7. Don Juan DeMarco.  The answer is love.  Don Juan: “There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.”
  8. Ghost.  Sometimes you need to hear it.  Sam: “Ditto.”
  9. It’s a Wonderful Life.  We’ll do anything to impress the one we love.  George: “What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”
  10. Memoirs of a Geisha. Love is a bond.  Nobu: “We are tied to each other. I know you feel it too.”
  11. My Girl – Butterflies and fuzzy feelings are what first kisses are about.  Loss hurts.
  12. P.S. I Love You – Cherish the time you have together.  It’s part of the journey.  Gerry: “If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I’m just one chapter in yours. There’ll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you”
  13. Romeo and Juliet – Puppy love makes you say the darnedest things.  Romeo: “See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!”
  14. Runnaway Bride – Sometimes it’s a bumpy ride.  But it’s worth it.  Maggie: “I guarantee there’ll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is going to want get out. But I also guarantee… that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart… you’re the only one for me.”
  15. Shrek – Love comes in all shapes and sizes.  Stay true to you.
  16. Sleepless in Seattle.  Sometimes, it’s like a snowflake just for you.  Sam: “Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home… only to no home I’d ever known… I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like… magic.”
  17. The Bridges of Madison County.  You know it when you feel it. Robert Kinkaid: “This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime.”
  18. The Crow.  Remember them.  Sarah: “If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”
  19. The Notebook – If you’ve ever really loved, you know what it’s like to really live.  Noah: “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”
  20. The Princess Bride – Nothing beats true love.  Miracle Max says, “Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.”
  21. The Way We Were – Remember how it felt when it wasn’t complicated.  Hold on to that.  Katie: “Wouldn’t it be lovely if we were old? We’d have survived all this. Everything thing would be easy and uncomplicated; the way it was when we were young.”
  22. The Wizard of Oz.  Love isn’t meant to be practical.  Wizard of Oz: “As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”
  23. Titanic. Endings can be bitter sweet.  Jack: “Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it brought me to you. And I’m thankful for that, Rose. I’m thankful. You must do me this honor. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.”
  24. Wedding Crashers – Love more.  You’ve got more capacity than you might think you do.  John: “You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.”
  25. When Harry Met Sally.  Sometimes love is like a new lease on life.  Harry: “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

What movies wrinkled your brain when it comes to love?

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT

I heard that we are in the same boat

But it’s not like that

We are in the same storm

But not in the same boat

Your ship can be shipwrecked

And mine might not be

Or vice versa

For some, quarantine is optimal

Moment of reflection, or re-connection

Easy, in flip flops, with a whiskey or tea.

For others, this is a desperate crisis.

For others it is facing loneliness

For some, a peace, rest time, vacation

Yet for others, torture:

How am I going to pay my bills?

Some were concerned about a brand of chocolates

Others were concerned about the bread for the weekend,

Or if the noodles would last for a few more days.

Some were in their ‘home office’

Others are looking through trash to survive

Some want to go back to work because

They are running out of money

Others want to kill those who break the quarantine

Some need to break the quarantine to stand in line at the banks

Others to escape

Others criticize the government for the lines

Some have experienced the near death of the virus

Some have already lost someone from it

Some are not sure their loved ones are going to make it

And some don’t even believe this is a big deal.

Some of us who are well now

May end up experiencing it,

And some believe they are infallible and will be blown

Away if or when this hits

Someone they know

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2021

Others say the worst is yet to come

So, friends, we are not in the same boat

We are going through a time when our perceptions and

Needs are completely different

And each one will emerge in

His own way, from that storm

Some with a tan from their pool

Others with scars on the soul

It is very important to see

Beyond what is seen at first glance

Not just looking, more that looking, seeing

See beyond the political party

Beyond the biases

Beyond the nose on your face

Do not underestimate the pain of others

If you do not feel it

Do not judge the good life of the other

Do not condemn the bad life of the other

Don’t be a judge

Let us not judge the one who lacks

As well as the one who exceeds him

We are on different ships looking to survive

Let everyone navigate their route with respect

Empathy and responsibility

African folklore

Long time ago in the Animal Kingdom, a sheep was passing and saw a lion crying inside a cage trap and the Lion begged the Sheep to save him with a promise not to kill and eat it but the Sheep refused*.

After much persuasion and due the Sheep’s gullibility it opened the cage for the Lion.
Now the Lion was very hungry having stayed in the cage for days without food.
It quickly grabbed the Sheep to kill and eat but the Sheep reminded him of his promise.
They were still there arguing when other animals came passing and they sought to know what happened.

*Both the Lion and the Sheep narrated their own side of the story but because of fear and in trying to gain favour with the Lion, all the animals took sides with the Lion except the Tortoise who claimed not to understand the whole scenario*.

Now the Tortoise asked the Lion to show them where he was before the Sheep rescued him, he pointed at the cage.
He asked again, “were you inside or outside when the sheep arrived”? The Lion said he was inside.
The Tortoise again said “ok, enter lets see how difficult it could be inside”.
The Lion entered and the Tortoise locked him back inside.

*In amazement the other animals asked Tortoise “why” and he replied “if we allow him eat the Sheep today, he will still go hungry tomorrow and we don’t know the next amongst us to be eaten tomorrow*.

*Moral*:

Don’t support evil today because it doesn’t affect you directly, tomorrow it could be your turn.

Be reasonable
Stay safe.

Dear Valentine

love blog.jpgLove comes in all shapes and sizes and to each his own. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I put together a sampling of 25 movies and what they can teach us about life and love. Even if you’re not a fan of Valentine’s Day, enjoy the quotes and perhaps see things in a new light. Sometimes just the right words, are like an old song, sung new.

Here they are:

1. As Good as it Gets – Love can bring out your best. Melvin: “You make me want to be a better man.”

2. Be My Valentine Charlie Brown – Just because you don’t get a Valentine, doesn’t mean you aren’t lovable.

3. Casablanca. Kiss like you mean it. Ilsa: “Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.
It’s the kind of thing you want to hold on to forever.”

4. Casper: Don’t let go. Casper: “If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?”

5. Cinderella. It’s what dreams are made of. Cinderella: “A dream is a wish your heart makes when you’re fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.”

6. Dan in Real Life. Love is an ability. Marty: “Love is not a feeling, Mr. Burns. It’s an ability.”

7. Don Juan DeMarco. The answer is love. Don Juan: “There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.”

8. Ghost. Sometimes you need to hear it. Sam: “Ditto.”

9. It’s a Wonderful Life. We’ll do anything to impress the one we love. George: “What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”

10. Memoirs of a Geisha. Love is a bond. Nobu: “We are tied to each other. I know you feel it too.”

11. My Girl – Butterflies and fuzzy feelings are what first kisses are about. Loss hurts.

12. P.S. I Love You – Cherish the time you have together. It’s part of the journey. Gerry: “If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you’re sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you’ll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I’m a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I’m just one chapter in yours. There’ll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don’t be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you”

13. Romeo and Juliet – Puppy love makes you say the darnedest things. Romeo: “See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!”

14. Runnaway Bride – Sometimes it’s a bumpy ride. But it’s worth it. Maggie: “I guarantee there’ll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is going to want get out. But I also guarantee… that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart… you’re the only one for me.”

15. Shrek – Love comes in all shapes and sizes. Stay true to you.

16. Sleepless in Seattle. Sometimes, it’s like a snowflake just for you. Sam: “Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together… and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home… only to no home I’d ever known… I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like… magic.”

17. The Bridges of Madison County. You know it when you feel it. Robert Kinkaid: “This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime.”

18. The Crow. Remember them. Sarah: “If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.”

19. The Notebook – If you’ve ever really loved, you know what it’s like to really live. Noah: “I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who’s ever lived: I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough.”

20. The Princess Bride – Nothing beats true love. Miracle Max says, “Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world-except for a nice MLT – mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.”

21. The Way We Were – Remember how it felt when it wasn’t complicated. Hold on to that. Katie: “Wouldn’t it be lovely if we were old? We’d have survived all this. Everything thing would be easy and uncomplicated; the way it was when we were young.”

22. The Wizard of Oz. Love isn’t meant to be practical. Wizard of Oz: “As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don’t know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.”

23. Titanic. Endings can be bitter sweet. Jack: “Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it brought me to you. And I’m thankful for that, Rose. I’m thankful. You must do me this honor. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.”

24. Wedding Crashers – Love more. You’ve got more capacity than you might think you do. John: “You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts.”

25. When Harry Met Sally. Sometimes love is like a new lease on life. Harry: “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

My favorite (which does not feature in the above list) is more of a question than a quote. It’s from the Movie Bucket List starring Jack Nickelson and Morgan Freeman.

Excerpts from the pyramid scene;

Morgan: “The ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief – when their souls got to the entrance to heaven their gods asked them two questions, their answers determined whether they were admitted or not;

Q.1 have you found joy in your life?
Q.2 has your life brought joy to others?”

The above beliefs might have been surpassed by time but i believe their profound meaning is still relevant to this very day.

As we celebrate all matters love this month, ask yourself the above two questions and find out if they resonate with your inner being because joy is the essence of love.

Happy Valentines!!!

Choose Love💖

Love is all we need!

You did it! You survived the passage of time and made it to another year, which means it’s time to bask in the fleeting enthusiasm that comes with new resolutions and fresh planners and a slate wiped clean of 2018’s garbage. Savor that feeling, because before you know it, 2019 will become just as exhausting and weird.

However, as we begin this new year with high hopes and ambitions, I have created a Wishlist for my beloved readers so that you not only survive but thrive in every situation.

“Where there is pain, I wish you peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubting, I wish you a renewed confidence in your ability to work through it. Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish you understanding, patience, and renewed strength. Where there is fear, I wish you courage.”

Over and above all, I wish you Love, because love sums it all up as illustrated in the anecdote below;

A woman came out of her house and saw three old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said, “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.”   “Is the man of the house home?” they asked. “No,” she said, “he’s out.” “Then we cannot come in,” they replied. In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. “Go tell them I am home and invite them in!” The woman went out and invited the men in. “We do not go into a house together,” they replied. “Why is that?” she wanted to know. One of the old men explained, “His name is Wealth,” said pointing to one of his friends, and said, pointing to another one, “He is Success, and I am Love.” Then he added, “Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home.” The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. “How nice!” he said. “since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come in and fill our home with wealth!” His wife disagreed. “My dear, why don’t we invite Success?” Their daughter-in-law was listening from another corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: “Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!” “Let us heed our daughter-in-law’s advice,” said the husband to his wife.” Go out and invite Love to be our guest.” The woman went out and asked the three old men, “Which one of you is Love? Please come in and be our guest.” Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other two also got up and followed him. Surprised, the woman asked Wealth and Success: “I only invited Love, why are you coming in?” The old men replied together: ” If you had invited Wealth or Success, the other two of us would have stayed out, but since you invited Love, wherever he goes, we go with him. Wherever there is Love, there is Wealth and Success!!!”

Happy New Year!

Leadership is earned not bestowed

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision. The director discovered from the CV, that the youth’s academic result was excellent. The director asked, “Did you obtain any scholarship in school?” and the youth answered “no”. The director asked, ” Is it your father who paid for your school fees?” the youth answered, “My father passed away when I was one year old, it is my mother who paid for my school fees.” The director asked, “Where did your mother work?” the youth answered, “My mother worked as a cleaner.” The director requested the youth to show him his hands. The youth showed a pair of hand that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, “Did you ever help your mother wash the clothes?” The youth answered, “Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.” The director said, “I have a request, when you go home today, look at your mother’s hand, and then come and see me tomorrow morning.” The youth felt that as the chance of landing the job is high, when he went back, he happily wanted to see his mother’s hand. His mother felt strange, happy but mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid. The youth looked at his mother’s hand slowly, his tears rolled down he cheeks. He never noticed that his mother’s hands were so wrinkled, and that there are so many bruises in her hand.

This is the first time the youth realized and experienced that it was this pair of hand that washed clothes everyday to earn him the school fees, the bruises in the mother’s hand is the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future. After looking at him Mum’s hands, the youth quietly cleaned all remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director’s office. The director noticed the tear in the youth’s eye, asked: “Can you tell what have you done and learned yesterday?” The youth answered, ” I looked at my mother’s hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes.”‘ The director asked, “Please tell me your feelings.”

The youth replied:
Number 1 – I now appreciate the fact that without my mother, I would not be successful today.
Number 2 -, I now know how to work together with my mother; I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.
Number 3 – I know the importance and value of family relationships.

The director said, “This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of others, a person that understands the challenges of others to get thing done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be a Manager. You are hired.”

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employees worked diligently and in a team, the company’s result improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, develops an “entitlement mentality” and always put himself first. He is ignorant of others effort. When he starts work, he assumes every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a Manager, he never understands the challenges facing his employee and always blames others.

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash the dishes together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way and give them an appreciation that everything in life does not come easy.

The most important thing we all need to learn is how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty, and learn the ability to work with others to get things done.

Exceptional Leadership!
by Author Unknown

Lessons Learned from Oprah Winfrey

Whether you’re a fan or not, there is no doubt that Oprah Winfrey changes lives, starting with her own. As a real life rags-to-riches story and a self-made success, she knows the power of choice, living with courage, and following your dreams. She makes things happen.

Success leaves clues. Using Oprah’s words of wisdom and endless resources for information, we can add many patterns and practices for success to our personal knowledge base.

25 Lessons Learned from Oprah Winfrey

While I can’t possibly do justice to Oprah’s lifetime of contribution and service, what I can do is look for themes and patterns. I think the most important theme I noticed is that Oprah is a self-starter and she’s a visionary. Her determination and drive carry her forward, while her reflection and continuous growth help her redefine who she is and carry the best forward. It’s like a fine wine getting better with age. Here are 25 lessons from Oprah we can learn and model from:

1. Keep your dreams right in front of you.
Keep your eye on the prize and follow your dreams. Oprah is a fan of using your dreams as inspiration and guide for your choices in life. She’s recommended creating a vision board to map out what you really want.
2. Anyone can go from rags to riches.
No excuses. It’s not what you were born into; it’s what you do with what you’ve got. Oprah made herself who she is. No matter how bad your past was, it doesn’t need to limit your destiny unless you live in the past.
3. Surround yourself with an A-team.
Learn from the best. Find the mentors and coaches that can help you bring out your best. Oprah has a team of experts on her side. For health, Oprah has Dr. Mehmet Oz, Bob Greene, and Dr. Katz. For spirit, she has Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, Elizabeth Lesser, and Martha Beck. For style, she has Val Monroe and Adam Glassman. For relationships, she has Lisa Kogan and Dr. Laura Bergman. For home, she has Nate Berkus, Peter Walsh, and Simran Sethi. For money, she has Suze Orman and Jean Chatzky. She’s worked with best-selling author, Eckhart Tolle and “relationship and life strategy expert,” Dr. Phil. Who’s in your corner? It doesn’t need to be somebody famous. You can learn from people in the past or in the present, from books, or in real life. “Stand on the shoulders of giants” instead of start from scratch.
4. Declutter your life.
Clean up your messes. This could be your house (and Oprah has plenty of resources for organizing and simplifying.) This could be your emotions. This could be your everyday schedule. Declutter to create space for opportunity, creativity, and a sense of well-being. Decluttering can help you get rid of the energy drains and chaos.
5. Live in a more conscious way.
Increase your awareness. Be mindful. Be in the moment. Make thoughtful choices. For example, don’t make emotional food choices. Improve your self-awareness.
6. Practice an attitude of gratitude.
Don’t have a sense of entitlement. Appreciate what you’ve got, what you get, and don’t take things for granted.
7. Make the most of what you’ve got.
Make the most of … your mind … your body … your emotions (including self-esteem and confidence) … your relationships … your home.
8. Embrace the body you’ve got.
Nourish your body. Look your best. Feel your best. Like it or not, your body is yours. Take care of it, so it can take care of you. After all, it needs to last you a life time.
9. Learn for life.
Nourish your mind. Reading is fundamental. Oprah is a firm believer in education and the power of know-how. In the words of Oprah, “Books were my pass to personal freedom. I learned to read at age three, and soon discovered there was a whole world to conquer that went beyond our farm in Mississippi.”
10. Live your best life.
Take responsibility. Be accountable to yourself and to your dreams. Don’t settle. Oprah has extensive resources to help you live your best life. Check out Live Your Best Life and Oprah’s Best Life Video Webcast Archive.
11. Live your own dreams.
Be true to you. Live your truths. At the end of the day, you’re the one that knows your hopes and dreams and can make them happen. Make sure they’re you’re dreams and not somebody else’s.
12. Enjoy your space.
Take care of your surroundings. According to Oprah, one of the best things you can ever give yourself is to have beautiful surroundings.
13. Don’t let fear hold you back.
Take bold action. Don’t let fear make your decisions for you.
14. Think you can.
If you believe, you can achieve. Build your confidence and your self-esteem, one small moment, one choice, or one private victory at a time.
15. Give back.
Oprah consistently demonstrates philanthropy and contribution. She’s effectively dedicated her life to helping other’s live their best life.
16. Keep it real.
She lives larger than life, but she’s human. She’s vulnerable. She has her flaws. She strives for a better life. She lives a life of continuous improvement.
17. Own it.
It’s your life. Don’t point fingers. Don’t play the blame game. Make your dreams happen.
18. Find your inner peace.
Drop the baggage. Forgive and forget. Another key here is self-knowledge and integrity. Be the person you say you are, forgive yourself when you aren’t, and lead the life you want to live.
19. Don’t give up.
Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t give up on you. Persistence pays off.
20. Be present.
Live in the now, with an eye to the future. Know the results you’re getting. If you don’t like what you’re getting, change your approach. The most important thing you can change first is your attitude.
21. Journal it.
Writing your thoughts can help you reflect and get a more objective look at things. There’s a lot to be said for thinking on paper, even if it’s simple as just organizing your thoughts. Your journal can help improve your self-talk and it can help remind you what you think is important. It can also help you declutter your emotions and your mind.
22. Life’s short.
It really is. As 25 years of the Oprah Winfrey Show ends, and a new chapter for Oprah begins, it’s another reminder that time is limited, life it short, and the best you can do is make the most of what you’ve got.
23. Live without ego.
Eckhart Tolle teaches us that our egos get in the way of living our best life, and Oprah reinforces this message. Through self-acceptance, living in the moment, finding our truths, and giving ourselves to a higher purpose, we unleash our best.
24. Savor the moments.
Savor your relationships. Savor your choices. Savor your food. Savor your joys. Take in your moments. Your moments make up your life.
25. Add fresh starts to your life.
Whether it’s a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year … or simply a new attitude, make it a fresh start. Find the ways to renew yourself, whether it’s a make-over for you or your house, and find the inspiration for a new lease on life.

Top 10 Oprah Winfrey Quotes
Oprah is a wealth of great quotes and she has many words of wisdom. You can learn a lot about her and her insights through her quotes. Here are my top 10 favorite Oprah quotes:

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner’s manual your creator gave you and destroying your design.
I knew there was a way out. I knew there was another kind of life because I had read about it. I knew there were other places, and there was another way of being.
The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.
The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance – and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.
Turn your wounds into wisdom.
We are each responsible for our own life – no other person is or even can be.
What I know is, is that if you do work that you love, and the work fulfills you, the rest will come.
What I know for sure is that if you want success, you can’t make success your goal. The key is not to worry about being successful, but to instead work toward being significant, and the success will naturally follow.
You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it.

Oprah Winfrey Quotes
I’ve included some of my favorite Oprah Winfrey quotes below. I’ve organized them using the following categories: General, Choice, Dreams / Destiny / Purpose, Giving / Gratitude, Growth, Fear / Failure, Identity / Individuality, Opportunity / Possibility, Passion / Energy, Relationships, and Success.

Oprah on General Philosophy
Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.
I define joy as a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace – a connection to what matters.
I think that when you invite people to your home, you invite them to yourself.
I still have my feet on the ground, I just wear better shoes.
In every aspect of our lives, we are always asking ourselves, How am I of value? What is my worth? Yet I believe that worthiness is our birthright.
It’s much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That’s the truth.
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.
There’s no easy way out. If there were, I would have bought it. And believe me, it would be one of my favorite things!
Oprah on Choice
Be more splendid, more extraordinary. Use every moment to fill yourself up.
Follow your instincts. That’s where true wisdom manifests itself.
I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.
I believe that uncertainty is really my spirit’s way of whispering, “I’m in flux. I can’t decide for you. Something is off-balance here.
I believe the choice to be excellent begins with aligning your thoughts and words with the intention to require more from yourself.
My philosophy is that not only are you responsible for your life, but doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.
Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility.
With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice.
Oprah on Dreams / Destiny / Purpose
Before you agree to do anything that might add even the smallest amount of stress to your life, ask yourself: What is my truest intention? Give yourself time to let a yes resound within you. When it’s right, I guarantee that your entire body will feel it.
I believe that everyone is the keeper of a dream – and by tuning into one another’s secret hopes, we can become better friends, better partners, better parents, and better lovers.
I knew there was a way out. I knew there was another kind of life because I had read about it. I knew there were other places, and there was another way of being.
I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become.
I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we’re not wise enough to see it.
I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint – and that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.
It isn’t until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are – not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down, the spirit within – that you can begin to take control.
Often we don’t even realize who we’re meant to be because we’re so busy trying to live out someone else’s ideas. But other people and their opinions hold no power in defining our destiny.
The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.
The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance – and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.
Use what you have to run toward your best – that’s how I now live my life.
You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.
Oprah on Giving / Gratitude
Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.
I don’t think you ever stop giving. I really don’t. I think it’s an on-going process. And it’s not just about being able to write a check. It’s being able to touch somebody’s life.
I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself.
Living in the moment brings you a sense of reverence for all of life’s blessings.
The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.
What I know for sure is that what you give comes back to you.
Oprah on Growth
Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don’t fight them. Just find a different way to stand.
I am a woman in process. I’m just trying like everybody else. I try to take every conflict, every experience, and learn from it. Life is never dull.
Getting my lifelong weight struggle under control has come from a process of treating myself as well as I treat others in every way.
The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.
You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more.
Oprah on Fear / Failure
Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.
Every one of us gets through the tough times because somebody is there, standing in the gap to close it for us.
I believe that one of life’s greatest risks is never daring to risk.
I don’t believe in failure. It is not failure if you enjoyed the process.
I have a lot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly.
It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures, new directions to grow in, and new lessons to learn – which is what life is all about.
So go ahead. Fall down. The world looks different from the ground.
The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free.
Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.
You can take from every experience what it has to offer you. And you cannot be defeated if you just keep taking one breath followed by another.
Oprah on Identity / Individuality
All these years I’ve been feeling like I was growing into myself. Finally, I feel grown.
As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be better able to decide what is best for you … the first time around.
Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother.
I always knew I was destined for greatness.
I don’t think of myself as a poor deprived ghetto girl who made good. I think of myself as somebody who from an early age knew I was responsible for myself, and I had to make good.
I’m black, I don’t feel burdened by it and I don’t think it’s a huge responsibility. It’s part of who I am. It does not define me.
If you come to fame not understanding who you are, it will define who you are.
Let your light shine. Shine within you so that it can shine on someone else. Let your light shine.
Partake of some of life’s sweet pleasures. And yes, get comfortable with yourself.
Though I am grateful for the blessings of wealth, it hasn’t changed who I am. My feet are still on the ground. I’m just wearing better shoes.
What we’re all striving for is authenticity, a spirit-to-spirit connection.
Oprah on Opportunity / Possibility
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.
Every day brings a chance for you to draw in a breath, kick off your shoes, and dance.
Every time you state what you want or believe, you’re the first to hear it. It’s a message to both you and others about what you think is possible. Don’t put a ceiling on yourself.
If you want your life to be more rewarding, you have to change the way you think.
When I look into the future, it’s so bright it burns my eyes.
Oprah on Passion / Energy
Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you’re going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach that goal, and by maintaining focus.
If you neglect to recharge a battery, it dies. And if you run full speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race.
Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.
Oprah on Relationships
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with.
Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Oprah on Success
For every one of us that succeeds, it’s because there’s somebody there to show you the way out.
I feel that luck is preparation meeting opportunity.
If you want to accomplish the goals of your life, you have to begin with the spirit.
I’ve learned that you can’t have everything and do everything at the same time.
The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work.
Unless you choose to do great things with it, it makes no difference how much you are rewarded, or how much power you have.
What material success does is provide you with the ability to concentrate on other things that really matter. And that is being able to make a difference, not only in your own life, but in other people’s lives.

6 Reasons your personality is important

 

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Good looks are nice and all, but they can’t hold a candle to a great personality. Your personality facilitates all the important moments in your life, and is what you are really remembered for. Remember how much it matters if you ever get too concerned about personal appearance. Here are six things in particular that make personality important.

1)Because personality is what makes you interesting

Your looks can’t make you interesting, at least not for long or not in a good way. Being interesting is how you grab people’s attention, making personality important virtually whenever you’re in a social setting. Think about the most interesting person you know, and the prettiest/most handsome person you know. Who would you rather be stuck in a room with? Being interesting is also not something that you can fake; just ask all the people who try and fail to do exactly that. Being interesting depends almost entirely on your personality, so if your personality is great then you’re all set.

2)Because personality can change

Even if you don’t have a great personality right now, you can acquire a better one by considering what you can do to become more likeble while, of course, always staying true to yourself. To contrast, you can’t acquire good looks, at least not naturally. That makes personality important in ways appearance can never be. Friends and family and partners want to see you grow as a person as you get older far more that they look forward to seeing you age. If you have a lot of anger buried inside you, for example, people close to you will be very pleased to see you change into a calmer person. No one’s going to be proud of you for getting wrinkles and grey hair.

3)Because personality is how we distinguish ourselves

There are probably hundreds of people across the world who look nearly identical to you. What makes personality important is that it’s what makes us one of a kind. Be the one of a kind you want to be by focusing on your inner qualities. There are a lot of people who haven’t done anything to develop their personalities, so they’re similar to hundreds of people in both looks and personality. A surfer dude with great abs can’t compare to someone with real stories to tell, for example.

4)Because personality can get you further romantically

When you’re trying to woo someone, a great personality is a key ingredient in getting their attention. Good looks may help you get into a conversation with a guy or girl you like, but if you have a boring personality the conversation is as far as it will go. Personality is important to continue that relationship beyond that first meet.

5)Because personality can get you further professionally.

A great personality can help you progress in your career as well as your social and love life. Employers will want to hire you if you have a good rapport with them. Once you have the job, the personality is important to getting in your boss good graces. Again, if you have a good personality the’ll want to spend time with you, which gets you through more doors than you could if you personality wasn’t up to par.

6)Because personality doesn’t fade away

Good looks don’t last. Eventually you grow old and gray; nothing can stop that. What makes personality important is the fact that it will stick with you, even when you’re an old, old man or woman. It will even stay with you after you die. No one remembers someone who passed away by thinking about how handsome they were. They reminisce on the good times they had with them, made possible because of their compatible personalities.

 

 

The Wife

“You are more powerful than you know; you are beautiful just as you are.”

So many times i called her weak for her intense emotional reactions towards different things…Told her to grow up, “be a woman”, “stop being so insecure”….I’m so hard on the wife and oftentimes disconnected, because the strength i thought she needed, i couldn’t  see that she already had it. I confused her love and weakness for me, for lack of strength as a woman…Twice i watched her give birth to nearly 4kg babies, without epidurals and minimum assistance… i watch her come home everyday to a 3yr with absolutely no chill whatsoever , after a 12hr shift, and have to stay up with her despite being tired. Even with all that she rarely complains and deals with my issues. How could i be so stupid, to see “weakness” within all of this?? Today, when i walked into  the living room and saw this i realized just how much of a fool I AM… We miss what’s there in plain sight because we become fixated on the fantasy….Sometimes you just have to remove the spec from your own eye! I thank God for my wife, for the ups and downs, and everyday lessons and the strength she has that i was blind to see. I am grateful for the revelation that today has brought.

 

The Mountain !!!

There were two warring tribes in the Andes, one that lived in the lowlands and the other high in the mountains. The mountain people invaded the lowlanders one day, and as part of their plundering of the people, they kidnapped a baby of one of the lowlander families and took the infant with them back up into the mountains. The lowlanders didn’t know how to climb the mountain. They didn’t know any of the trails that the mountain people used, and they didn’t know where to find the mountain people or how to track them in the steep terrain. Even so, they sent out their best party of fighting men to climb the mountain and bring the baby home. The men tried first one method of climbing and then another. They tried one trail and then another. After several days of effort, however, they had climbed only several hundred feet. Feeling hopeless and helpless, the lowlander men decided that the cause was lost, and they prepared to return to their village below. As they were packing their gear for the descent, they saw the baby’s mother walking toward them. They realized that she was coming down the mountain that they hadn’t figured out how to climb. And then they saw that she had the baby strapped to her back. How could that be? One man greeted her and said, “We couldn’t climb this mountain. How did you do this when we, the strongest and most able men in the village, couldn’t do it?” She shrugged her shoulders and said, “It wasn’t your baby

How To Create the Ultimate Relationship

“What love we’ve given, we’ll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.”
— Leo Buscaglia

Some of the best relationship advice I learned long ago is that “opposites attract, but similarities bind.”

I also learned that “true love is falling in love with the same person over and over.”

But it’s time to dive deeper.  Much deeper. This article is a deep dive on how to find love, create your ultimate relationship, and improve your relationship skills.

Create a Magnificent Relationship that Feels Like a Dream

Tony Robbins shares his profound knowledge on love and relationships through a variety of videos, programs, and formats.

It’s based on what he’s learned from around the world over many years of experience with thousands of people from all walks of life.

It’s part of his life’s work – to improve the quality of life for as many people as he can, as long as he can.

Tony Robbins has figured out the keys to creating lasting and fulfilling relationships.

It’s not about creating an ordinary relationship.  It’s about creating an extraordinary relationship.

In fact, it’s about creating a truly magnificent relationship — “the kind that is so full of joy, passion, and ecstasy that it feels like a dream.”

The Big Picture of How To Create Your Ultimate Relationship and Ultimate Lover

This article will cover a lot so it’s important to put the big picture together first.

Tony Robbins found the following truths to creating better relationships:

  1. Master Selection and Connection.  You need to master Selection and Connection as the two primary skills for creating your ultimate relationship.
  2. Select your partner consciously.  Your lover is your most important decision in life.  Make it a conscious choice.  Who you choose as a lover will have a huge influence over your ultimate happiness.  Select somebody who matches your vision, who you can share things in common with and love the differences with passion, who you can create a raving fan lover, and who does not conflict with your core values, or other deal breakers.
  3. Start with vision.  The first step is to create a vision for what you really want in your relationship.  What is it that you really want in life that would light you up and excite you?  What’s your vision for what this relationship would create in the world that would inspire you to be in this relationship?  Make it so compelling to you, so exciting and so clear that you get so much emotion you’ll find a way to make it happen.
  4. Focus on where you want to be, not where you are.   Tony Robbins can’t stress this enough, but he says you must focus on what you want, not where you are.  Don’t limit yourself.  Create your impossible dream, make it so emotionally exciting that you can’t help but make it happen, and then you will figure out a way to make your dream come true.  Tony is a master at turning dreams into reality.
  5. Create a list of what you want, what you must not have, and who you must become to attract that relationship.  Create extreme clarity.  Be as specific as possible. You need a vision of what you want in detail in terms of your mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual desires.  You also need to know what you MUST NOT have in your relationships so that you don’t destroy them.  Lastly, you need to know the kind of person who you need to become so that you can attract your ultimate relationship.
  6. Don’t destroy your relationships.  You need to know what you MUST NOT have in your relationship.  For example, you MUST NOT have conflicts in your core values with your partners.  So many relationships end because the couple didn’t know what they MUST NOT have in their relationship.
  7. Select a partner that gives you both certainty and uncertainty.  Certainty comes from having a common vision, common values, shared interests, etc.  Uncertainty comes from differences.  This uncertainty creates passion.  You need certainty and passion to keep the relationship growing and exciting.
  8. Connect with your lover through their Six Human Needs.  You create deep connection with your partner by meeting their Six Human Needs.  The more of their needs you meet, the deeper the love and fulfillment you can create.
  9. Create a Raving Fan Lover.  Your goal in your relationship is to create a Raving Fan Lover.  You create a Raving Fan Lover by worshipping your lover.  Through deep admiration, you create an unbreakable bond of trust and enthusiasm.  This deep admiration and appreciation comes from deep self-awareness of your needs, wants, and desires, along with what you will not tolerate.  It also comes from a deep awareness of your lover’s needs, wants, desires, and what they will not tolerate.
  10. Practice the 5 Disciplines of Love.  Practice the 5 Disciplines of Love to cultivate passion and create an ongoing adventure.  By investing in the 5 Disciplines of Love, you can “create a sexy and exciting partnership that lights up every aspect of your life to create a relationship full of earthshaking excitement, joy, and passion.”

If you are ready to create a magnificent, fulfilling relationship, then get ready to learn what it takes to show and grow your love by leaps and bounds.

95% of Your Happiness Will Come from Who You Choose as Your Partner

Who you choose as a partner can have a profound impact on your happiness in this lifetime.

Tony Robbins says:

“The first and most important selection you’re going to make in your life …

I’ll tell you this first …

Ninety-five percent of the happiness you’re going to have in life is going to come from who you select as your partner.

So we’re going to get absolutely clear about what is it that you really want because it’s impossible to get there otherwise.”

Selection and Connection  (the Primary Skills for Love)

According to Tony Robbins, to master love and to master relationships, you need to master the skills of Selection and Connection.

Selection is your ability to choose the right partner.

Connection is your ability to deeply connect with that person on all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Your ability to select the right partner and to deeply connect with them will directly affect your ability to create a lasting and fulfilling relationship with deep love.

Start with Your Vision

Where do you start?

You need to start with your vision.

Your vision of your ideal relationship.

And you have to make it exciting and compelling.

So exciting and compelling that your vision of your ideal relationship inspires you and motivates you to take action and to make it happen.

Tony Robbins says:

“I’m single and I don’t have a relationship.”

You’ve got to know how to start.

The first step is to decide what’s your vision for what you really want.

What’s your vision for what you really want?

You can’t make something happen until you get clear.

What was the first step of taking something impossible and making it real?

Focus!

You need a vision.

Without a vision, people what?

Perish!

You need a vision for your relationship.

A vision for what is it I really want most in life, what would excite me, what would light me up?

And I don’t just mean a vision of what that person’s supposed to look like and be like, or what values they have–that could be part of the vision, but also what is your vision for what this relationship would create in the world that would inspire you to be in this relationship.

Because without a vision of what the relationship’s going to be, you’re going to settle for whatever shows up.
All you’ve got to do is get a vision that is so compelling to you, so exciting and so clear that you get so much emotion you’ll figure a way to make it happen.”

How To Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Tony Robbins shares an example of how he created a blueprint for his ideal relationship.

He effectively made a list and wrote down everything he wanted in his partner.

He found the key though is to also make second list where he wrote down everything that he MUST NOT have in his relationship—the things he will not accept in his relationship.

He would rather be alone than be in a relationship that has things from this list.

He also made a third list.  The third list was a list of who he needs to be to attract the kind of relationship that he wants.

Tony Robbins says:

“I’ll tell you what helped me:

If you’re brand new and you’re single, the best way to do this is you sit down and you write down every single thing on Earth you could ever want in the ultimate partner in life.

Your ultimate mate. Your ultimate lover.

Mental, emotional, physical, spiritual.

The way you guys would pitch and catch.

What you would do together, how you’d share.

But every detail on a level of specificity that normally you would think is insane.

And then you’ve got to make a second list, I’ve learned.

And I did this years ago.

I made this list and I read it–it was pretty cool and then I got a relationship.  And that in that relationship, I kind of let it grow because of what most people get in a relationship with.

I didn’t select consciously.”

What Make a Relationship Work

What makes a relationship work is things in common.

Similar values.

Similar dreams or goals or loves or desires.

Tony Robbins says:

“What makes a relationship work is having things in common because what that gives you is the emotion of certainty that allows you to open up and connect.

People like people who are like whom?

Themselves!

So, you like this person and you have certainty about this person.

You have connection with this person because you have similar–you have a connection through interests or values, and you have certainty because, “hey, they’re like me.”

So what makes a relationship work is things in common.”

What Makes a Relationship Passionate

What makes a relationship passionate is uncertainty.

Not knowing and differences!

According to Tony Robbins, one of the secrets to creating a passionate relationship is a healthy combination of mystery and differences.

The differences create attraction, excitement, and intrigue.

The Key to Your Ultimate Relationship is Certainty + Uncertainty

The key to creating your ultimate relationship is to choose a partner that gives you both certainty and uncertainty.

Most people choose one or the other, but the key is to look for both.

Tony Robbins says:

“This is the critical understanding:

Can you have both in the relationship simultaneously?

Yes or no?

Yes, but most people pursue one aspect of their needs, like in the beginning they want the variety and the uncertainty and excitement that comes with that.

And this person is so different than me and so it excites me because I’m quiet and they’re loud and intense and playful.

And then they get around them, they go “Oooh, I want this forever,” and they try to get a hold of this person and very often try to control them.
And then what they want to do is get this place of connection but also control, certainty.

And they try to make their spouse, their boyfriend, their girlfriend, their husband, their wife, like them.

All their being loud was exciting; now it’s loud.

What they were doing in the very beginning.

But now you’re irritated by it.

And if you reinforce somebody or you punish them for being a certain way and try and make them like you, you will have a great friend and no passion.

And they will never go back to the way they were because  they don’t want to lose love or they’ve been rejected so much they don’t want to be in that place.

They start to protect themselves.”

Love Your Differences

You can use your differences as a platform for passion.

The differences can stretch and grow you in ways you don’t expect.

They can also help keep things from going stale, as can happen with certainty.

Uncertainty and differences will help you mix things up and add variety as a spice to your love life.

Tony Robbins says:

“There’s a way to have both.

It’s learning how to honor those differences and enjoy those differences.

Now, some of those you already honor and enjoy, but if you’re gonna honor and enjoy in some areas, some areas are inconvenient.

You don’t like them.

But you’ve got to learn to love what you didn’t like.”

What Destroys a Relationship

Differences between people in a relationship is good.

The right differences.

But there are the wrong kinds of differences, too.

Such as a conflict of core values.

One of your most important lists will be the list of what your relationship MUST NOT have.

This list will save you from starting relationships that just won’t last, because you know what you MUST NOT have in your relationship.

Tony Robbins says:

“Are there some things that are so different than you that they would destroy a relationship?

Yes, like you have certain values that are the core of who you are and if somebody has the opposite, it’d be pretty hard for you to really sustain a quality relationship.

So, the place to start: you make your list of everything you want.

Then you make a list of everything you want.

Then you make a list of everything , and the second list is–really critical:

everything that you must not have in a relationship.

Not should not: there’s lots of things you’d prefer not to have, but MUST NOT have.

By the way, you can get everything you want in a relationship and get two or three things you must never have and you will destroy it.”

Your Goal in a Relationship is to Create a Raving Fan

The single best thing you can do in your relationship is create a Raving Fan.

Tony Robbins says:

“And you’ve got to find a way to constantly improve the amount of joy, passion, and nourishment that’s happening within you and for the person you’re in a relationship with.

If you want to have not just a lover, a husband, a wife, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, whatever your language is, if you want more than that, you want a Raving Fan.

A Raving Fan is somebody, if you were going to use a business metaphor, since there are so many business owners in the room…satisfied customers leave.

I’ll say it again:

Satisfied customers leave.

If they get a much better deal, a much better opportunity, they’ll leave.

But a Raving Fan customer never leaves.”

How To Create a Raving Fan Lover

How do you create a Raving Fan lover?

You worship them.

It sounds extreme but according to Tony Robbins, that’s the key to creating extraordinary relationships.

Tony Robbins says:

“Your goal in a relationship above all else is you want to make sure that you make this person who’s in your life your Raving Fan. 

And there’s only one way to do that:

Worship them.

Not just love them.

You’ve got to worship them.

If you want to have something that’s extraordinary, because that person who is worshipped is not going to leave in a million years.

What makes them know they’re worshipped is the following:

You’ve got to know what do you really want.

Because everyone is different.

We all want love, we want the same needs, but we’ve got to know what we want.”

The Six Human Needs

To create a magnificent relationship that feels like a dream, you need to master the Six Human Needs.

Tony Robbins says that the key to creating a relationship that is pure magic is by meeting your partner’s Six Human Needs.

The Six Human Needs are:

  1. Need 1: Certainty/Comfort
  2. Need 2: Uncertainty/Variety
  3. Need 3: Significance
  4. Need 4: Love & Connection
  5. Need 5: Growth
  6. Need 6: Contribution

First you meet your partner’s needs.  Then you can educate them to meet your needs.

But it starts with you meeting your partner’s needs.

Why?

Because Tony Robbins says you are loving them – and “love is not a trade.”

Need #1. Certainty/Comfort

Our first need is for certainty.

We need a sense of certainty.

We need certainty so we can feel safe.

We need certainty so that we can feel comfortable.

It helps us create predictability in our life so that we can reduce stress.

It helps us create peace-of-mind.

Tony Robbins says:

“The first human need is the need for Certainty.

It’s our need to feel in control and to know what’s coming next so we can feel secure.

It’s the need for basic comfort, the need to avoid pain and stress, and also to create pleasure.”

Need #2. Uncertainty/Variety

We need uncertainty in our life.

This is how we break out of boring and predictable routines and ruts.

It’s what wakes us up and keeps us on our toes.

It creates passion and excitement.

Tony Robbins says:

“Let me ask you a question:

Do you like surprises?

If you answered ‘yes,’ you’re kidding yourself!

You like the surprises you want.

The ones you don’t want, you call problems!

But you still need them to put some muscle in your life.

You can’t grow muscle—or character—unless you have something to push back against.”

Need #3. Significance

We need to feel like we are one-of-a-kind.

We need to feel special.

We need to feel like we matter.

We need to feel like we stand out from the crowd.

Tony Robbins says:

“We all need to feel important, special, unique, or needed.

So how do some of us get significance?

You can get it by earning billions of dollars, or collecting academic degrees—distinguishing yourself with a master’s or a PhD.

You can build a giant Twitter following.

Or you can go on The Bachelor or become the next Real Housewife of Orange County.

Some do it by putting tattoos and piercings all over themselves and in places we don’t want to know about.”

Need #4. Love & Connection

We need to feel a sense of connection and love.

We need to feel like somebody really gets us.

We need to feel like we matter to somebody other than ourselves.

We need to feel like we fit in, while we are trying to stand out.

Tony Robbins says:

“The fourth basic need is Love and Connection.

Love is the oxygen of life; it’s what we all want and need most.

When we love completely we feel alive, but when we lose love, the pain is so great that most people settle on connection, the crumbs of love.

You can get that sense of connection or love through intimacy, or friendship, or prayer, or walking in nature. If nothing else works, you can get a dog.”

Need #5. Growth

We need to feel like we are growing.

We need to feel like we are getting better or improving in some way, shape, or form.

We need to feel like we are making progress in different areas of our life.

Tony Robbins says:

“If you’re not growing, you’re dying.

If a relationship is not growing, if a business is not growing, if you’re not growing, it doesn’t matter how much money you have in the bank, how many friends you have, how many people love you—you’re not going to experience real fulfillment.

And the reason we grow, I believe, is so we have something of value to give.”

Need #6. Contribution

We need to feel a sense of contribution that comes from giving back.

Giving back is a powerful way to feel a sense of good will.

Contributing to a greater good amplifies our feelings of gratitude and appreciation.

Tony Robbins says:

“Corny as it may sound, the secret to living is giving.

Life’s not about me; it’s about we.

Think about it, what’s the first thing you do when you get good or exciting news?

You call somebody you love and share it. Sharing enhances everything you experience.

Life is really about creating meaning.

And meaning does not come from what you get, it comes from what you give.

Ultimately it’s not what you get that will make you happy long term, but rather who you become and what you contribute will.”

What Happens When You Meet Your Partner’s Six Human Needs?

If you want to keep your relationship or create a better one, you need to meet your partner’s Six Human Needs.

The more needs that you meet, the deeper the love you will create.

Tony Robbins says:

“If you’re in a relationship with somebody and you meet one of their needs, you’re going to have an acquaintance.

If you meet two of their needs, you’re going to have a friend.

If you meet three of their needs, you’re going to have a deep friendship or love.

If you meet four of their needs, it’s going to be a deep love.

If you meet five or six of their needs, you’re going to have a love slave.
… They ain’t going anywhere.

But it’s got to be you meeting their needs, not the other way around.”

How To Be the Wealthiest Person in the World

If you want to be the wealthiest person in the world, you have to appreciate what you already have.

Tony Robbins says:

“The ultimate significance in life comes not from something external, but from something internal.

It comes from a sense of esteem for ourselves, which is not something we can ever get from someone else.

People can tell you you’re beautiful, smart, intelligent, the best, or they can tell you that you are the most horrible human being on earth—but what matters is what you think about yourself.

Whether or not you believe that deep inside you are continuing to grow and push yourself, to do and give more than was comfortable or you even thought possible.

The wealthiest person on earth is one who appreciates.”

The 5 Disciplines of Love

To grow your love, you need to feed your love.

To feed your love, Tony Robbins shares the 5 Disciplines of Love.

The 5 Disciplines of Love are habits and practices that you can invest in that will fuel your love and help you build your ultimate relationship and your limitless love.

The 5 Disciplines of Love:

  1. The Discipline of Unconditional Love & Compassion
  2. The Discipline of Absolute Courage & Vulnerability
  3. The Discipline of Knowing the Truth
  4. The Discipline of Telling Yourself the Truth
  5. The Discipline of Giving Freedom

Let’s elaborate on each one …

Discipline #1. The Discipline of Unconditional Love & Compassion

The first Discipline of Love is unconditional love.

It’s the ability to really get your partner, without judging or criticizing them.

It’s about understanding their inner world and loving them unconditionally.

Tony Robbins says:

“Always put your lover first—it’s not about you! When you fully develop the skill of heartfelt understanding, you become conscious of your partner’s inner life.

Rather than being an observer and critic, you feel what they feel and you will discover the deepest pleasure in your relationship—sexual and otherwise.”

Discipline #2. The Discipline of Absolute Courage & Vulnerability

Don’t lose trust.

Build deep trust by being present and embracing the truth, no matter how tough it gets.

As the saying goes, “the truth shall set you free.”

But in this case, the truth will bring you closer together, while at the same time, creating a deep sense of freedom that no lies could ever create.

Tony Robbins says:

“Love no matter what and commit to absolute truth. Be present for your lover even during the most painful situations.

Don’t just be physically present, be fully present– giving your lover your undivided focus.

Any time you lose trust, interest or commitment, you drift closer to behaviors of criticism and rejection.

Stay connected!

Cultivate your commitment the way you would a precious flower.

Your relationship will flourish no matter what your life circumstances may be.”

Discipline #3. The Discipline of Knowing the Truth

Don’t play the blame game.

Express yourself from the heart.

Mean what you say, say what you mean, but do so in a loving and respectful way.

Speak the truth, your truth, but own it.  Own your feelings.  Own your story. Own your challenges.

Tony Robbins says:

“Here’s the truth: It’s a no-blame game. There’s an art to expressing mild upset without creating bigger problems.

When you let something bother you, your partner will feel blamed.

However, when something goes wrong, you must express yourself spontaneously, and from the heart.

It’s crucial you set the context carefully for anything you share.

Remember to use phrases that avoid blame.”

Discipline #4. The Discipline of Telling Yourself the Truth

Trust yourself first.

Don’t let yourself down.

If you let yourself down, you won’t trust yourself and you won’t trust others.

Don’t be afraid to be you—the real you.

Be authentic.

Be yourself.

Be your true self.

When you live and breathe your truth, other people will naturally trust you.

Tony Robbins says:

“Commit to moment-to-moment awareness of the impact of your state.

If the basis of trust is confidence in your partner, then you must begin with confidence in yourself.

Without it, you cannot induce lasting trust in others. When you can be yourself, others will perceive that and build trust in you.

Hold true to the generosity of your highest intentions.”

Discipline #5. The Discipline of Giving Freedom

Set your partner free by forgiving and forgetting.

Don’t bog them down with past mistakes.

If you want true passion and excitement, learn to forgive and forget in a way that truly helps your partner keep learning and growing.

Tony Robbins says:

“The power of forgiving, forgetting and flooding.

Why drag along the baggage of past mistakes?

Whenever we have painful experiences, we can learn from them or use them to punish ourselves or others.

People often blame their partners for past misdeeds.

If you want passion, set your partner free.

See their mistake from their perspective.

Consciously harness the good in life to bring greater pleasure and intimacy.”

How Tony Robbins Created His Ultimate Relationship

Tony Robbins created his ultimate relationship in a very simple way.

He focused on creating clarity for exactly what he wanted in his relationship.

He created clarity around what he did not want in his relationship.

He created clarity clarity around exactly who he needed to become to attract his ultimate relationship.

He used this clarity to create courage and motivation for himself.

He also used this clarity to create focus so he could spend his energy in the right way to move towards what he wanted, and away from what he did not want.

Here is Tony Robbins with his story of how he created his ultimate relationship:

“But, I’ll tell you the first thing I did and I thought everything in my life that I’ve ever created…I went back and did what I asked you to do.

What did I create that was impossible?

How did I do that?

I mean, think about it: I always started by focusing on what I wanted, not where I was.

Isn’t that true?

Only focus on what you want to create.

So I said, “OK< am I committed as a soul to have in a relationship with a woman?”

What do I want in that relationship?

And then what can I not have?

I made these lists and I wrote it for about nine or ten pages.

Maybe by the time I was done with them, mixed-up the list was maybe at twelve.

I’m talking about details.Ridiculous details.

And then, interestingly, as I read that I knew what I had to do because I can look at that list and I did one more thing.

I wrote what I must have in a relationship:

Mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, everything.

What I must not have in a relationship with a woman.

And then my third one was what kind of man would I have to be to attract that quality of woman.

Instead of saying ‘how come I don’t have this person.’

Because, if you focus on the outside, you’ll always be screwed up because you’ll always blame somebody else.

I went OK, clarity first.

What do I need?

What am I committed to?

What do I want?

Clarity: what must I be for that type of person to be in my life?

How many follow these steps?”

What’s Next?

Well, we covered a lot of ground.

If you don’t have your vision for your ultimate relationship, that’s a great place to start.

If you don’t have your 3 lists – what you want, what you MUST NOT have, and who you must become – now is a great time to put those together.

living, leading, and learning at a higher level

1. Level 1 Living (Meaningful Moments)

This is pleasure in the moment.

Level 1 living is really just taking what comes your way.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  If you are lucky, then you get more good than bad, but mostly it’s about going with the flow.

Level 1 living is really about finding happiness in the moment.  If you can learn to enjoy the journey and if you are flexible and adaptable, you can gradually learn to enjoy more of your moments.  If life throws you lemons, turn them into lemonade.

The more you master your ability to respond to challenges, and raise your frustration tolerance, the more you can thrive in Level 1 Living.

With Level 1 Living, you learn to thrive in the moment.

2. Level 2 Living (Living Your Values)

This is where you take control of your life and you create your own happiness and fulfillment.

This is where you choose to spend more time in your values.  You can think of this as “the Good life.”

To spend more time in your values, you first need to identify your top values.  Once you prioritize your top few values, you can then use your values to design your lifestyle and guide your life.

You can use your values to prioritize your time and to simplify decisions.  You can choose to do things that will help you spend more time in your values.

For example, if you like to learn, then find ways to make the small things you do each day, all about learning.  If you value excellence, then with each task you take on, you can focus on mastering your craft.  If you value adventure, then turn your projects into epic adventures.

With Level 2 Living, you thrive on your values.

3. Level 3 Living (Living Your Contribution)

This is a deeper level of living.  Level 3 Living is where you give your best where you have your best to give, in the service of others.

When you focus on the greater good, and when you focus on your unique strengths and talents, you create a deep sense of fulfillment.

Whether you think of it as moving up Maslow’s stack, or you think of Stephen Covey’s 8th Habit to find your voice, and help others find theirs, or if you think of Tony Robbins and his focus on servant leadership, the beauty is that Level 3 Living is accessible to all of us.

The key is to find your strengths.  The next key is to figure out a purpose that makes you come alive.

With Level 3 Living, you thrive on contribution.

One of the most useful questions I’ve found to guide me on all paths is:

“Who do you want to be and what experiences do you want to create?”

It’s a simple, but profound question that helps me shape my work in progress.

In all cases, the key thing to keep in mind is that when it comes down to it, many people find that what really counts is the people whose lives they touch.

The mouse trap

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A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. “What food might this contain?” the mouse wondered. He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning: “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said “Mr.Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.”

The mouse turned to the pig and told him “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The pig sympathized, but said “I am so very sorry, Mr.Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.”

The mouse turned to the cow and said “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The cow said “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose.”

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house – like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient. But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer’s wife did not get well; she died. So many! people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn’t concern you, remember: when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another. Each of us is a vital thread in another person’s tapestry.