How To Ask More Effectively
According to Tony Robbins here are the steps get whatever you want:
Ask specificallyAsk someone who can help youCreate value for the person you’re askingAsk with focused, congruent belief1. Ask Specifically
To get what you want, you have to know what you want. In detail. You have to be specific. Tony Robbins writes:
“You must describe what you want, both to yourself and someone else. How high, how far, how much? When, where, how, with whom? If your business needs a loan, you’ll get it — if you know how to ask. You won’t get it if you say, ‘We need more money to expand into a new product line. Please lend us some.’ You need to define precisely what you need, why you need it, and when you need it. You need to be able to show what you’ll be able to produce with it. You need to be able to show what you’ll be able to produce with it.”
All too often, we ask the wrong person. To get what you want, you have to ask somebody who can actually help you. Tony Robbins writes:
“It’s not enough to ask specifically, you must ask specifically of someone who has the resources — the knowledge, the capital, the sensitivity, or the business experience. Let’s say you’re having trouble with your spouse. Your relationship is falling apart. You can pour out your heart. You can be as specific and as honest as humanly possible. But if you seek help from someone who has as pitiful a relationship as you do, will you succeed? Of course not.
Finding the right person to ask brings us back to the importance of learning how to notice what works. Anything you want — a better relationship, a better job, a smarter program for investing your money — is something some already does. The trick is to find those people and figure out what they do right. Many of us gravitate toward barroom wisdom. We fine a sympathetic ear and expect that to translate to results. It won’t unless the sympathy is matched by expertise and knowledge.”
3. Create Value For the Person You’re Asking
People will be more likely to help you if you create value for them in some way, shape, or form. Tony Robbins writes:
“Don’t just ask and expect someone to give you something. Figure out how you can help them first. If you’ve had a business idea and need money to pull it off, one way to do it is to find someone who can both help and benefit. Show them how your idea can make money for you and for them as well. Creating value directly doesn’t always have to that tangible. The value you create may only be a feeling or a sensibility or a dream, but often that’s enough. If you came up to me and said you needed $10,000, I’d probably say, ‘So do a lot of other people.’ If you said you needed the money to make a difference in people’s lives, I might begin to listen. If you specifically showed me how you wanted to help others and create value for them and yourself, I might see how helping you could create value for me as well.”
4. Ask with Focused, Congruent Belief
You have to be convincing. If you don’t believe in what you’re asking for, why should anybody else. Tony Robbins writes:
“The way to ensure failure is to convey ambivalence. If you aren’t convinced about what you’re asking for, how can anyone else be? So when you ask, do it with absolute conviction. Express that in your words and your physiology. Be able to show that you’re sure of what you want, you’re sure you’ll succeed, and you’re sure you will create value, not just for you but for the person you’re asking as well.”
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. But change your approach, or who you’re asking. Tony Robbins writes:
“That doesn’t mean asking the same person. It doesn’t mean asking in precisely the same way. Remember, the Ultimate Success Formula says you need to develop the sensory acuity to know what you’re getting, and you have to have the personal flexibility to change. So when you ask, you have to change and adjust until you achieve what you want. When you study the lives of successful people, you’ll find over and over again that they kept asking, kept trying, kept changing — because they knew that sooner or later they would find someone who could satisfy their needs.”
What’s the Hardest Part of the Formula?
The hardest part is getting specific. Tony writes:
”What’s the hardest part of the formula? For many people it’s the part about asking specifically. We don’t live in a culture that puts a great premium on precise communication. It may be one of our biggest cultural failings. Language reflects a society’s needs. An Eskimo has several dozen words for ‘snow.’ Why? Because to be an effective Eskimo, you have to be able to make fine distinctions between different kinds of snow. There is snow you can fall through, snow you can build an igloo out of, snow you can run your gos in, snow you can eat, snow that’s ready to melt. I’m in California. I practically never see snow, so the one word I have for it is enough for me.”
So if you aren’t getting what you want, start asking more effectively keep trying until you succeed.