- Stop All Criticism – Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.
- Don’t Scare Yourself – Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It’s a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.
- Be Gentle And Kind And Patient – Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.
- Be Kind To Your Mind – Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don’t hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.
- Praise Yourself – Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.
- Support Yourself – Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.
- Be Loving To Your Negatives – Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now, you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.
- Take Care Of Your Body – Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.
- Mirror Work – Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say: “I love you, I really love you.”
- Love Yourself .. Do It Now – Don’t wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now — and do the best you can.
When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving me advice, you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.
Listen ! All I asked was that you listen, not to talk or do — just hear me. Advice is cheap; twenty cents will get you both, Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself. I am not helpless. Maybe discouraged and falter, but not helpless.
When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and inadequacy.
But when you accept as a simple fact, that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice. Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes, for some people — because God is mute, and He/She doesn’t give advice, or try to fix things.
‘They’ just listen, and let you work it out for yourself. So please listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn —
I’ll listen to you.
There’s nothing to fear — you’re as good as the best,
As strong as the mightiest, too.
You can win in every battle or test;
For there’s no one just like you.
There’s only one you in the world today;
So nobody else, you see,
Can do your work in as fine a way:
You’re the only you there’ll be !
So face the world, and all life is yours
To conquer and love and live:
And you’ll find the happiness that endures
In just the measure you give;
There’s nothing too good for you to possess,
Nor heights where you cannot go:
Your power is more than belief or guess —
It is something you have to know.
There is nothing to fear — you can and you will.
For you are the invincible you.
Set your foot on the highest hill —
There’s nothing you cannot do.
Watch Your Thoughts.
They Become Words.
Watch your Words.
They Become Actions.
Watch Your Actions.
They Become Habits.
Watch Your Habits.
They Become Character.
Watch Your Character.
For It Becomes Your Destiny.
40% Of the things I worry about will never happen, for anxiety is the result of a tired mind.
30% Concern old decisions which cannot be altered.
12% center in criticisms, mostly untrue, made by people who feel inferior.
10% is related to my health which worsens while I worry.
8% is legitimate, showing that life does have real problems which may be met head on when I have eliminated senseless worries.
One manager let employees know how valuable they are with the following memo:
“You Arx A Kxy Pxrson”
Xvxn though my typxwritxr is an old modxl, it works vxry wxll — xxcxpt for onx kxy. You would think that with all thx othxer kxys functioning propxrly, onx kxy not working would hardly bx noticxd; but just onx kxy out of whack sxxms to ruin thx wholx xffort.
You may say to yoursxlf — Wxll, I’m only onx pxrson. No onx will noticx if I don’t do my bxst. But it doxs makx a diffxrxncx, bxcausx an xffxctivx organization nxxds activx participation by xvxry onx to thx bxst of his or hxr ability.
So, thx nxxt timx you think you arx not important, rxmxmbxr my old typxwritxr. You arx a kxy pxrson.
I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back.
I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better know something.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people that’s important. It’s what they do about it.
I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I’ve learned that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I’ve learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I’ve learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
I’ve learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it.
I’ve learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I’ve learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I’ve learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down may be the ones to help you get back up.
I’ve learned that I’m getting more and more like my grandma, and I’m kinda happy about it.
I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I’ve learned that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I’ve learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.
I’ve learned that you should never tell a child her dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if she believed it.
I’ve learned that your family won’t always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren’t related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren’t biological.
I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I’ve learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I’ve learned that sometimes when my friends fight, I’m forced to choose sides even when I don’t want to.
I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I’ve learned that we don’t have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I’ve learned that if you don’t want to forget something, stick it in your underwear drawer.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I’ve learned that the clothes I like best are the ones with the most holes in them.
I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I’ve learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I’ve learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves, get further in life.
I’ve learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
I’ve learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I’ve learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I’ve learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I’ve learned that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
I’ve learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I’ve learned that although the word “love” can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.
I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I’ve learned that no matter how fast or how far you go, you can’t outrun God.
I’ve learned that no matter how far away I’ve been, He’ll always welcome me back.
I’ve learned that love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.
I’ve learned that even if you do the right thing for the wrong reason, it’s still the wrong thing to do.
Take a couple of whole months, clean them thoroughly of all Bitterness, Rumors, Hate and Jealousy; in other words, make them as fresh and as clean as possible.
Now cut each month into 28, 30 or 31 different parts…
But don’t make up the whole batch at once..
Instead prepare it One Day At A Time.
Mix well each day:
One part of Faith,
One of Patience,
One of Courage,
One of Work,
Add one part each of:
One part Prayer,
One part Meditation
Season the whole with:
a dash of Good Spirit,
a sprinkle of Fun,
a pinch of Play
a cupful of Good Humor.
Pour all of this into a Vessel Of Love,
Cook thoroughly over Radiant Joy
Garnish with Smiles
serve with Quietness, Unselfishness and Cheerfulness
And you are bound to have a Happy Life.
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires, I will take my “luck” as it comes, and fit myself to it.
Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do a least two things I don’t want to do–just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won’t find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
I find what I look for in people. If I look for God, I find God. If I look for bad qualities, I find them. I, in a sense, select what I expect, and I receive it.
A life without challenges would be like going to school without lessons to learn. Challenges come not to depress or get me down, but to master and to grow and to unfold thereby.
In the Father’s wise and loving plan for me, no burden can fall upon me, no emergency can arise, no grief can overtake me, before I am given the grace and strength to meet them.
A rich, full life is not determined by outer circumstances and relationships. These can be contributory to it, but cannot be the source. I am happy or unhappy because of what I think and feel.
I can never lose anything that belongs to me, nor can I posses what is not really mine.
To never run from a problem: either it will chase me or I will run into another just like it, although it may have a different face or name.
To have no concern for tomorrow. Today is the yesterday over which I had concern.
To never bang on a closed door: Wait for it to open and then go through it.
A person who has come into my life has come either to teach me something, or to learn something from me.
- Get up early.
- Look around outside before going to work
- Relax and enjoy your meals.
- Spend time with friends.
- Pace yourself.
- Find a quiet place to go to.
- Praise yourself and others.
- Develop positive relationships.
- See your mistakes as stepping stones.
- Keep track of your own moods so you can watch out for them.
- Say No without feeling guilty.
- Learn effective time management.
- Pay attention to health, diet and sleep.
- Exercise regularly.
- Keep from comparing yourself to others.
- Respect all people – the old, the young, the rich, and the not so rich.
- Try not to worry.
- Don’t tell everyone your business.
- Be happy with the things you have.
- Exercise every day.
- Don’t go looking for trouble.
- Look for the good in everything and everyone.
- Get enough sleep.
- Try to forgive and forget.
- Always do what you think is right.
- Don’t worry about what people think of you.
- Spend time with your family.
- Make time to see friends.
- Don’t spend money that you don’t have.
- Try to be happy.
- Be kind.
- Don’t be afraid to say what you think.
- Try to be the best that you can be.
(Bonnie Tivenen, New Beginnings in Reading)
History abounds with tales of experts who were convinced that the ideas, plans, and projects of others could never be achieved. However, accomplishment came to those who said, “I can make it happen.”
The Italian sculptor Agostino d’Antonio worked diligently on a large piece of marble. Unable to produce his desired masterpiece, he lamented, “I can do nothing with it.” Other sculptors also worked this difficult piece of marble, but to no avail. Michelangelo discovered the stone and visualized the possibilities in it. His “I-can-make-it-happen” attitude resulted in one of the world’s masterpieces – David.
The experts of Spain concluded that Columbus’s plans to discover a new and shorter route to the West Indies was virtually impossible. Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand ignored the report of the experts. “I can make it happen,” Columbus persisted. And he did. Everyone knew the world was flat, but not Columbus. The Nina, the Pinta, the Santa Maria, along with Columbus and his small band of followers, sailed to “impossible” new lands and thriving resources.
Even the great Thomas Alva Edison discouraged his friend, Henry Ford, from pursuing his fledgling idea of a motorcar. Convinced of the worthlessness of the idea, Edison invited Ford to come and work for him. Ford remained committed and tirelessly pursued his dream. Although his first attempt resulted in a vehicle without reverse gear, Henry Ford knew he could make it happen. And, of course, he did.
“Forget it,” the experts advised Madame Curie. They agreed radium was a scientifically impossible idea. However, Marie Curie insisted, “I can make it happen.”
Let’s not forget our friends Orville and Wilbur Wright. Journalists, friends, armed forces specialists, and even their father laughed at the idea of an airplane. “What a silly and insane way to spend money. Leave flying to the birds,” they jeered. “Sorry,” the Wright brothers responded. “We have a dream, and we can make it happen.” As a result, a place called Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, became the setting for the launching of their “ridiculous” idea.
Finally, as you read these accounts under the magnificent lighting of your environment, consider the plight of Benjamin Franklin. He was admonished to stop the foolish experimenting with lighting. What an absurdity and waste of time! Why, nothing could outdo the fabulous oil lamp. Thank goodness Franklin knew he could make it happen. You too can make it happen!
Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.
Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
Don’t give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don’t be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don’t dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don’t run through life so fast that you forget not only where you’ve been, but also where you’re going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way:-)
- Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
- Never trouble another for what you can do yourself.
- Never spend your money before you have it.
- Never buy what you do not want because it is cheap; it will never be dear to you.
- Pride costs us more than hunger, thirst, and cold.
- Never repent of having eaten too little.
- Nothing is troublesome that we do willingly.
- Don’t let the evils which have never happened cost you pain.
- Always take things by their smooth handle.
- When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to one hundred.
(This is a list of “Thomas Jefferson’s ten rules for the good life”.)
First, plant 3 rows of peas;
Next, plant 3 rows of squash;
- Squash gossip
- Squash indifference
- Squash criticism
Then, plant 3 rows of lettuce;
- Let us be Loyal
- Let us be true to our Obligations
- Let us be unselfish
Finish, with 4 rows of turnip;
- Turn up when Needed
- Turn up with a Smile:-))))))
- Turn up with a Vision
- Turn up with Determination
Heron stands in the blue estuary,
Solitary, white, unmoving for hours.
A fish! Quick avian darting;
The prey is captured.
People always ask how to follow Tao. It is as easy and natural as the heron standing in the water. The bird moves when it must; it does not move when stillness is appropriate.
The secret of its serenity is a type of vigilance, a contemplative state. The heron is not in mere dumbness or sleep. It knows a lucid stillness. It stands unmoving in the flow of the water. It gazes unperturbed and is aware. When Tao brings it something that it needs, it seizes the opportunity without hesitation or deliberation. Then it goes back to its quiescence without disturbing itself or its surroundings. Unless it found the right position in the water’s flow and remained patient, it would not have succeeded.
Actions in life can be reduced to two factors; positioning and timing. If we are not in the right place at the right time, we cannot possibly take advantage of what life has to offer us.
Almost anything is appropriate if an action is in accord with the time and place. But we must be vigilant and prepared. Even if the time and the place are right, we can still miss our chance if we do not notice the moment, if we act inadequately, or if we hamper ourselves with doubts and second thoughts.
When life presents an opportunity, we must be ready to seize it without hesitation or inhibition. Position is useless without awareness. If we have both, we make no mistakes.
The Winner is always a part of the answer;
The Loser is always a part of the problem.
The Winner always has a program;
The Loser always has an excuse.
The Winner says, “Let me do it for you;”
The Loser says, “That’s not my job.”
The Winner sees an answer for every problem;
The Loser sees a problem in every answer.
The Winner says, “It may be difficult but it’s possible;”
The Loser says, “It may be possible but it’s too difficult.”
Which side will you choose to be?
I am me.
I am unique. There’s not another human being in the whole world like me — I have my very own fingerprints and I have my very own thoughts. I was not stamped out of a mold like a Coca-Cola top to be the duplicate of another.
I own all of me — my body, and I can do with it what I choose; my mind, and all of its thoughts and ideas; my feelings, whether joyful or painful.
I own my ideals, my dreams, my hopes, my fantasies, my fears.
I reserve the right to think and feel differently from others and will grant to others their right to thoughts and feelings not identical with my own.
I own all my triumphs and successes. I own also all my failures and mistakes. I am the cause of what I do and am responsible for my own behavior. I will permit myself to be imperfect. When I make mistakes or fail, I will know that I am not the failure — I am still O.K. — and I will discard some parts of me that were unfitting and will try new ways.
I will laugh freely and loudly at myself — a healthy self-affirmation.
I will have fun living inside my skin.
I will remember that the door to everybody’s life needs this sigh:
I have value and worth.
I am me, and I am O.K.
(Adapted from Self Esteem by Virginia Satir)
One of the wonderful by-products of high self-esteem is that you become a “Peak Performer.”
Every day you become more aware of your abilities and recognize that opportunities to stretch your capabilities are limitless. You desire change, growth, and challenge, and a healthy self-esteem provides the energy.
Peak performers have more than goals, they have a vision of what their life will mean to themselves and others. Peak performers do not live in the future. Peak performers make sure each step taken in the present keeps them on the road toward their life goal.
Peak Performers Can Say:
- I am motivated and have a mission with realistic and measurable goals.
- I accept complete responsibility for everything I think, say, feel, and do.
- I look for the window of opportunity in every situation and know that I will learn from every experience if I choose.
- I always help others to do their best, and I encourage everyone to contribute something.
- I correct my course when I reach an obstacle. This way, when things go wrong, I am still headed in the right direction.
- I expect and appreciate change. It does not overwhelm me because I am prepared.
- I stand up for my own opinions and values and respect others.
- I am able to manage myself. I do not require instruction every step of the way.
- I am not afraid of making mistakes or of taking reasonable risks.
- I am my own coach. I engage in positive self-talk and rehearsal.
- I am a life-long student. I am always ready to learn, and I know growth takes sustained effort.
- I know myself well and still expect to find hidden talents, resources, strengths, weaknesses, energy, and interests.
- I respect reality both pleasant and painful.
- I engage in self-confrontation and do not blame others.
- I readily forgive others and myself and correct mistakes when possible.
- I am patient, kind, gentle, and compassionate with myself.
- I have no need to prove I am better or worse than anybody else.
Adapted from the Self Esteem Workbook:-)